


Lost and Found

by CallidoraMalfoy1228



Category: Boy Meets World
Genre: Dark, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Heavy - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Rape, Shawn was kidnapped, Topanga and Cory never married, Topanga/Eric/Jack threeway relationship, angsty, non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2018-10-06 20:43:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10344186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallidoraMalfoy1228/pseuds/CallidoraMalfoy1228
Summary: Summary: Shawn Hunter disappeared five years ago. No one, not even his best friend Cory Matthews, has seen him. Presumed dead, Shawn has a spot in the cemetery and everyone is working on laying his memory to rest. When the person responsible for Shawn’s disappearance comes after Cory, Shawn is forced to reveal himself in order to save his best friend and former lover. But can Shawn save Cory? Or is he doomed to fail?





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: I wasn’t originally planning on posting this one for quite a while but I’m going to be going to a wedding this weekend and I’d like to give you guys something to read in my absence. I wanted to finish Find Me Again before I post it and I promise I still will. New chapters of Find Me Again are, in fact, up now. But this idea is literally rattling around in my brain like a container of marbles and I need it out. So here it is. Hope you enjoy.  
> Callidora
> 
>  
> 
> A Few Background Notes: Topanga and Cory never married in this one. While they were in a romantic relationship at one point, they ended up going their separate ways. Shawn and Cory were in a romantic relationship for a year before Shawn disappeared, though not many people knew about it.

One

No matter how long had passed, standing in front of Shawn Hunter’s grave never got any easier. If anything, every time Cory stood on that small plot of grass, it got harder. Five years had come and gone and there was still no sign of Shawn. One day he’d been there and the next, he’d gone and it still felt like he’d taken half of Cory with him. They’d declared him dead last year, holding a small funeral. But Cory wouldn’t believe that he was really, truly gone until he saw a body. Shawn had always been a constant in Cory’s life, there when no one else was, and Cory couldn’t make himself believe that he was gone. Not this time. 

He closed his eyes, thinking about the last time he’d seen Shawn. They’d been together for a year then, living in their own apartment. Shawn had been working at a shop around the corner from the apartment and they’d both been going to school. Things had been good. Hell, they’d been great. The transition from friends to lovers had been a surprisingly easy one for them, though they hadn’t told many people. But, the night Shawn had disappeared, they’d gotten into a fight. Cory couldn’t even remember what it had been about. Something stupid, most likely. But Shawn had left the apartment, just to cool down he’d said. Cory had gone to bed but he hadn’t been able to sleep. He’d lain awake, waiting for Shawn to come home, and it had never come. 

Five years later, the police had no theories as to what had happened. People speculated, of course. Some of them said that Shawn had committed suicide. Others said he’d been murdered. Cory just didn’t know. And that was what killed him. Not knowing if Shawn was alive…or if his life had ended and he’d never come home. The very idea that Shawn would never come home was the most painful thought Cory had ever had. He couldn’t imagine another five, ten, years without Shawn. The last five had been the worst years of Cory’s life. 

Rain started to drizzle and Cory pulled the hood of his jacket up and headed back to his car, back to an empty apartment. He was supposed to go to his parents’ place for dinner but he didn’t really feel like eating. Today was the five year anniversary of Shawn’s disappearance and Cory didn’t think he could stomach everyone’s pity. Not today. He gave a long sigh and started the short drive back to the apartment, turning the radio off with a flick of his wrist. 

He hadn’t moved out of the apartment he and Shawn had shared because he couldn’t bear to be anywhere else. Even if Shawn never came home, Cory couldn’t imagine living anywhere else because there was always a chance that he would come home. As long as he was alive, Cory would keep up hope that Shawn was alive. 

Cory fished his keys out of his jacket pocket and unlocked the apartment door. He stopped in his tracks, though, when he pushed the door open. There, standing in the center of the living room, was Shawn Hunter. He was staring at a picture hanging on the wall, his back to Cory. Cory too stared at the picture for a moment. He remembered the day it had been taken. It had been the day that they’d first admitted their feelings for each other. In it, Shawn stood beside Cory, their arms around each other’s necks. The smiles on their faces were wide and genuine. But the picture didn’t hold Cory’s interest for long. His eyes turned to the man standing in the center of the room again.

Shawn was not the man who’d walked out of the apartment that night five years ago. His hair, though it was the same length it had been five years before, looked like it had been recently cut. He was skinny, almost painfully so, and his clothes were tattered and torn in places. He didn’t seem to realize that Cory was in the room, his eyes remained riveted on the picture in front of him. And then he spoke in a rough, shaky voice.

“Five years and you still have that same picture.” 

Cory nearly couldn’t speak through the tears clogging his throat. “I couldn’t bring myself to take it down. You were gone…and I couldn’t let go. Even when they said you were dead…I couldn’t…” He found that he couldn’t speak anymore, couldn’t say anything through the tears streaming unchecked down his face. 

Shawn turned to look at him then. “Cor…” 

He didn’t need to say anything else. The look in his eyes said it all. A million “I love you’s” and “I’m sorry’s” were dripping down his cheeks. And suddenly, Cory was in Shawn’s arms and five years were little more than a memory. 

Cory had no idea how long he stood there, his face pressed into the crook of Shawn’s neck. All he knew was that this was real. This wasn’t a dream. Shawn was home. He was thin and rumpled and haunted-looking…but he was home. After a moment, Shawn’s body began to shake as his own sobs came pouring out. And then it was Cory’s turn to hold him, to be there as Shawn came apart in his arms. Whatever had happened, whatever Shawn had been through, they would pull through the aftermath together. 

Finally, they pulled apart and Shawn stared at him for a long moment. He looked, for all the world, like he couldn’t fully believe that this was real. His arms were wrapped tightly around Cory’s waist, holding him as though he was afraid to let go. Cory held on just as tightly, knowing how strong the urge to just…never let go was. 

“You’re really here.” Cory whispered, looking up at Shawn.

“I’m really here.”

“What happened? Why…why were you gone so long?” 

Shawn sighed, glancing towards the bedroom. “Can I take a shower before I tell you what happened?” He looked ashamed. “I haven’t a real, hot shower since I left…and I…”

Cory stopped him. “It’s okay.” He reached up and ran a rand down the side of Shawn’s face. Shawn leaned into the touch. “Your clothes are still in the dresser.” 

Shawn looked shocked at that. “You…you kept them?” He whispered.

“Of course I did. I told you I couldn’t let go. I knew you’d come home someday and I…I wanted you to come back to familiar things.”

Shawn’s eyes filled with tears. “I love you. God…Cor…”

He crushed Cory to his chest again, burying his face in Cory’s neck and taking deep, long breaths. Cory held him as he shook. Finally, they pulled apart and Cory led him to their bedroom. Shawn’s hands were shaking as he pulled open the drawers and searched through his clothes. He settled on a pair of worn pajama pants and a pair of underwear. Unable to watch him walk away, Cory followed him into the bathroom and watched as Shawn bent to turn on the water. He watched, transfixed, as Shawn stripped down and stepped under the shower. A gasp made its way out of his lips as he saw Shawn’s back. Deep, crisscross scars covered the length of his back. Some of them were still open, just barely scabbed over. Cory’s mouth suddenly went very, very dry.

“I promise you I’ll explain those.” Shawn said, his voice very soft. 

“Shawnie…” 

“You’re not going to like it, Cor. It’s…the last five years have been Hell…and I…I don’t want to scare you…but I don’t think it’s over yet.” Shawn’s voice was a shaky whisper.

“Shawn, whatever happened, it’s gonna be okay. You’re home now and we’ll get through this together.”

Shawn turned the water off. “I just hope I didn’t do the wrong thing by coming home.”

“You didn’t. I promise.” 

Shawn shook his head, pulling up his pajama pants. “Let’s go to bed, huh? I…I just want to…I want to hold you while I talk about this.” He closed his eyes. “As corny as that sounds, it’s the truth.”

Cory followed Shawn out into the bedroom. As Shawn climbed into the bed, Cory stripped down to his underwear and climbed in beside him. Shawn wrapped an arm around him, pulling Cory against his chest. For a long time, they didn’t speak. Shawn seemed to be in deep thought. When he finally did speak, his voice shook so bad it was almost hard to understand him.

“It started a few months before the night I disappeared. Do you remember that security guard from the college that kept hitting on me?”

Cory nodded. There had been a security guard that worked on the college campus at night that had flirted constantly with Shawn. Every night, when he’d come home, Shawn would have another seemingly funny story about the weird security guard. 

“He’s a cop, I guess. Anyway, what I didn’t tell you was that I was being stalked for about two months before that night.” Shawn closed his eyes and swallowed. “I didn’t tell you because I thought it was nothing. Just…just a few notes on my car and someone following me once in a while. But, that night, I was just going for a walk. I got halfway down the block when I saw that security guard. He was following me, ya know. He followed me for almost a block and a half before I turned around and asked him what his problem was.” Shawn shook harder at this and had to stop in order to take a few deep breaths. “I’d walked into a trap, Cor. There were eight other guys and they came out of an alley. I didn’t even have a chance to fight before they’d thrown me into the back of a car.”

“Shawnie…”

He shook his head. “Let me finish.” One more deep breath later he continued, “I don’t know where they took me that first time. But, over the last five years, I’ve been kept in so many places that it was impossible to keep track. All of them but two are cops. I heard them talking one day about how they’d downplayed my disappearance. They’d gotten the case closed. I had pretty much given up on escaping. The first few times I’d tried it, they’d…well, the punishment was pretty severe.” He opened his eyes and looked at Cory. “And then I heard them talking the day before yesterday. They…the first guy. The security guard…he was talking about you. He said he had to do something about you. That he was afraid you’d figure it out. They…they were making plans to come after you. So, I spent the next day coming up with an escape plan. When they switched out the guards, I managed to get passed them. The skinnier two dudes were guarding me early this morning and I got past ‘em.” 

“Shawnie…” 

Cory couldn’t speak. His throat felt tight. Turning in Shawn’s arms, he wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck and held him close. God, the thought of what Shawn must have gone through in those years made Cory feel sick. He tightened his arms around Shawn’s neck and took a deep breath. He would never let anyone do this to him again. No one would ever take Shawn away from him again. 

He was about to speak when he heard the unmistakable sound of his front door banging open. Shawn was immediately out of bed, standing defensively in front of Cory. 

“Cory! Where the hell are you?” Eric’s voice yelled from the living room.

Cory rolled his eyes, silently cursing his decision to not call his mother about his decision to stay home tonight. Of course his brother would show up in the middle of an emotional reunion. He laid a hand on Shawn’s arm and walked past him. Shawn followed closely, not seeming to trust that it was really Eric. In the living room, Cory’s older brother was standing in front of the door, his hands on his hips. He turned to look at Cory and his eyes widened as he saw Shawn standing just behind him.

“You have about five seconds to explain this, Cory.” Was all Eric said.

Cory sighed and looked at Shawn. “Are you okay with that?” He asked.

Shawn sighed. “I…I don’t know if I can say it all again.” 

“Then you let me do the talking, okay? Come on, we’ll sit on the couch.”

Shawn nodded. “Stay…stay close. I don’t…I don’t want to feel…alone again.”

Eric watched them, the anger on his face fading into a worried frown.

“Sit down, Eric. I’ll tell you what Shawn just told me.” Cory said, gesturing at the couch. 

Eric took a seat on a chair in front of the couch that Cory and Shawn curled up on. Cory took a deep breath and then explained everything that Shawn had gone through in the last five years. By the end of it, Eric was pale and shaking. He stared at Shawn.

“You…Cory, you have to call the police.” 

Shawn shook his head. “That won’t do any good. All but two of these guys are cops. How do you think my disappearance was ruled a suicide so quickly? They’re after me….and they’re after Cory…and I…I don’t have any idea what to do.”

Eric was shaking. “We have to do something.”

“I can leave. Hopefully, they want me back badly enough to chase me and leave Cory alone.” Shawn whispered.

Cory’s arm tightened around Shawn’s shoulders. “There is not even a remote possibility that I’m going to let you do that. I have spent five years without you, Shawn Hunter. I’m not letting you run away.” 

Eric nodded. “Cory’s right. Running away isn’t going to do any good.” He rolled his eyes. “Besides, I’m not going to watch Cory toss his life away again. The first time you left, we thought we were going to lose him. I am in no way, shape, or form going to let that happen again. Not to mention the fact that your brother would strangle me if he discovered that we had let you leave again.” 

“Then there’s nothing else we can do…”

Eric shook his head, frowning. “Let me call Jack…and possibly Topanga. I’m sure if we all put our heads together, we can come up with some sort of plan.”

Shawn sighed. “Okay. I’m not too into the idea of leaving Cory in the first place, so we’ll go with your idea, I guess.”

Eric stood. “I’ll call Jack. He and Topanga are probably still at our place.” 

Shawn frowned. “Um…Jack and Topanga?” He asked, sounding confused.

Cory grinned at him. “Eric, Topanga, and Jack are a thing now actually. It started out as just Topanga and Eric but they added Jack in six months after Topanga and Eric started dating. It’s weird…but it works for them.”

Eric smiled. “It does. Let me go ahead and call Jack. They’ll be over here as soon as possible. Cory, you might want to call Morgan. I know she’s only seventeen but our little sister has a pretty devious little brain.” 

Cory nodded. “Got it.”

Cory went to the bedroom and grabbed his cell phone. After coming back to sit next to Shawn, he dialed his little sister’s phone number. She answered the phone on the second ring.

“Hey Cory. What can I do you for?” She asked.

Cory rolled his eyes at Morgan’s standard greeting. “I need you over at my place. Now. Shawn’s been found but we have a problem and we need your help.”

“Cory…if this is some kind of joke, I’m going to murder you.” His little sister’s voice was a quiet snarl.

“Morgan, I wouldn’t joke about something like this. I swear on my life that I’m telling the truth.” Cory assured her, hoping the sincerity bled into his voice.

Morgan sighed. “Fine. I’ll come. But I’m bringing mom and dad with me.” 

“Thanks Morg.”

They hung up and Shawn sighed, leaning against Cory’s shoulder. “God, your family probably hates me.” 

“You’ve just seen proof that they don’t.” Cory answered, tightening his arm around Shawn’s waist.

“Your parents probably do.” 

Cory shook his head. “Actually, they were pretty upset when you disappeared.. They…they kind of felt like it was their son who disappeared. Hell, dad posted missing posters up until just last year when mom convinced him to let up. It hurt too much to see your face plastered everywhere when we didn’t have any answers.” 

“Seriously?” Shawn asked, his voice quietly shocked.

Cory nodded. “At first, I thought that you were sick of fighting with me and had decided to leave. I couldn’t think of anything else that would keep you away. But mom and dad quickly convinced me of what a horrible idea that was. They knew that you would never just leave like that.”

“I didn’t think they actually liked me all that much. After you and Topanga broke up, I always figured that they blamed me.” Shawn admitted.

“Why in the hell would they blame you for that? Topanga and I went our separate ways because we both realized that we wanted other people.” 

“You and I started dating two weeks after you and Topanga broke up. I figured maybe they thought that you dumped her for me or some other equally offensive reason.” 

Cory shook his head. “Topanga and Eric started dating before we did, so if anything, mom and dad probably thought she did that to me. In any case, Topanga and I sat them down and told them what was going on before we started dating you or Eric.” 

Eric took a seat again, stowing his phone in his pocket. “They’re in the car now. I didn’t tell them about Shawn’s reappearance. Just told them to be ready for a surprise and that we needed help.” 

Cory nodded. “Morgan is on her way as well. She’s bringing mom and dad. I don’t think she really believes that Shawn is here.” 

Eric shook his head. “Honestly, if you’d called me and told me the same thing I wouldn’t have believed you either.” He said. 

They fell silent for a time. When the doorbell rang, Eric hurried to answer it. On the other side of the door stood Amy, Alan, Morgan, Jack, and Topanga. At the sight of his brother, Jack’s eyes widened and his face filled with relief. He stepped forward, Topanga at his heels, and stared at his brother. Shawn had stiffened against Cory’s side, his breathing deep and even. Forced. Cory could feel his terror, could feel the way Shawn was tensing for a fight. He tightened his arms around Shawn and tried to calm him the best he could.


	2. Two

Two

The second they saw Shawn sitting next to Cory, Amy and Alan’s eyes went wide. To Cory’s surprise – and to Shawn’s as well – even Alan’s eyes filled with tears. Amy and Alan rushed towards them before the others could move. Hugging Shawn tightly, Amy and Alan whispered words of joy and shock at seeing the man that had been their son in all but blood from the very beginning. After a moment, Shawn relaxed and hugged them back, looking incredibly relieved to see them both.

“What happened? Morgan said that there is some kind of problem.” Alan said, eyeing Cory and Shawn.

Cory waved his hand at the living room. “Sit down. I’m going to tell you what happened. Shawn would tell you but it’s been pretty hellish and I don’t want him to have to talk about it.” 

They took seats, Alan and Amy seating themselves on the couch closest to Shawn and Cory. In a slightly trembling voice, Cory told them what had happened five years ago. By the end of the tale Jack was white as a sheet, his eyes riveted on his brother in a mixture of horror and sorrow. Alan was shaking slightly, his lips set in an angry line. The women looked like they were going to be sick. Cory tightened an arm around Shawn as he spoke softly, his eyes downcast.

“I was only able to escape when I heard them discussing coming after Cory. They…they said he was becoming too much of a nuisance and he had to be eliminated.” Shawn shivered and pressed his face against Cory’s shoulder.

“They’re coming after Cory?” Jack asked, speaking for the first time.

“Yeah. Apparently the fact that Cory was still searching for me meant that he would one day actually do it. And, since their leader wanted me alive, they couldn’t just kill me and leave the body somewhere.”

Amy made a choking noise at that, her face paling even further. Cory himself felt a little sick at the nonchalant tone in Shawn’s voice. Once again, the reality of what had happened slammed into him full force. Shawn, his Shawn, had been kidnapped and tortured for the last five years. Not only that, but even after he was free, the entire ordeal wasn’t over yet. There were still people out there who wanted to hurt him. Cory had never felt more helpless in his life.

“What can we really do besides calling the police?” Jack asked, sharing a look with Topanga who nodded.

Cory shook his head. “No. All but two of these guys are cops. That won’t help us.” 

“Who can we trust if we can’t trust the police?” Jack asked, looking at his younger brother with wide eyes.

Shawn shook his head. “No one, I don’t think.” 

Cory sighed. “We trust each other, don’t we?”

Shawn nodded, his head back on Cory’s shoulder.

“So we deal with this together.”

“How?” Eric asked.

Topanga raised a hand. “One of the clients at the law firm I work for works for the FBI. He’s a pretty decent guy, buys everyone in the office coffee once a week. I could ask him when he comes in tomorrow if he’d talk to Shawn.” 

Cory looked at Shawn. “Could you do that?” 

“If you were with me, I could.” He buried his face in Cory’s neck. “I don’t think I could do it alone, though.”

“Then I’ll be there.” Cory looked at Topanga. “That’s a good place to start.” 

“Jack and I will start taking turns staying here overnight. That way, if someone shows up, someone else will be here to help defend you guys.” Eric said.

Shawn looked at him. “They have guns. You’ll be dead before you even move.”

Jack grinned a little. “Eric and I both have guns as well. Got them a few weeks ago because there’ve been a few break-ins in our neighborhood and we wanted to be prepared.” 

Eric nodded. “Jack, you can stay here tonight. I’ll head back to the house and bring you your gun.” 

“Good idea.”

Amy and Alan looked at Shawn. “Is there anything we can do?” Alan asked, an arm around his wife’s shoulders.

Shawn shook his head. “I…It’s really nice to see you guys. But I think…I think right now all I want is to…hold Cory.” He blushed a little. “I’m sorry but…I…”

Topanga smiled, her eyes filled with tears. “You’ve spent five years without him. I think you’ve earned the right to just hold him, Shawn. You guys get some rest. Eric and I will come back after we get off work tomorrow.” 

“We’ll come by sometime tomorrow evening. Maybe we’ll even bring dinner.” Amy said as Alan pulled her to her feet.

Cory smiled gratefully at his parents. “Thank you guys.”

Shawn looked down. “I’m sorry for all the trouble.”

Alan shook his head. “There’s no trouble, Shawn. You’re our son. And now that you’re home, everything is going to be just fine.” 

One by one, they filed out of the apartment until only Shawn, Cory, and Jack were left. Shawn gave a deep sigh and pressed his face into Cory’s shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent that never seemed to change. Cory held him tightly, almost not believing that he was really here. Shawn was really home. For the first time in five years, Cory shut his eyes and let go of the breath he’d been holding. 

“I’m sorry I’m being so clingy.” Shawn whispered, not moving.

Cory huffed out a laugh. “Shawn, you can be as clingy as you want. For the past five years, I’ve wanted this. I’ve missed curling up on the couch and holding you. Hell, I’ve even missed the way you fart in your sleep.” He ran a hand through Shawn’s hair and kissed his neck. “I can honestly say that this is the most comfortable I’ve felt since you walked out that door five years ago.” 

Shawn shuddered. “I just…I keep hearing some of the shit they told me and I can’t…I still have trouble believing that they weren’t lying.” 

“What did they say?” Cory asked, still stroking Shawn’s hair.

“That you’d already moved on. You didn’t love me anymore and you didn’t want me to come home.” He drew a shuddering breath. “I didn’t believe it at first but he kept saying it and I…I believed it.”

“Shawn, I could never move on. If they had killed you, I would have spent the rest of my life alone because there is absolutely no one else in this entire universe that I want. For the last five years, I’ve slept in an empty bed wearing your t-shirts because I felt alone. I wanted you to come home so badly that sometimes all I could do with sit in bed and cry for hours because you weren’t there. The thought of what they did to you, it makes me sick because you shouldn’t have had to deal with any of that. I should have been there to protect you and I wasn’t!” Cory burst out.

Jack’s voice was quiet but it still made them both jump. “Listen to him, Shawn. Eric and I…we were here the entire five years you were gone. I have never seen anyone who was more lost without a person than Cory was without you. When the rest of us were close to giving up, Cory never was.” 

Shawn nodded. “I knew you hadn’t given up on me the second I got back to the apartment.”

“How?” Cory asked.

“You didn’t move the spare key. It was still just above the door. And then, when I got inside, I saw that same picture hanging on the wall and I knew that you were still waiting for me.” He said.

Cory smiled. “I tried taking it down a few times but it felt wrong. I couldn’t hang anything else there. You belong on that wall just like you belong with me.”

“I’m sorry I was gone so long, Cor. I’ll never leave again.”

“Good. I would have to follow you if you did.” Cory said, unable to fight the smile that crossed his face at that.

“Can we go to bed?” Shawn asked. He was looking at up Cory with tired eyes.

Cory nodded. “Lock up when Eric leaves, will ya Jack? We’re going to go to bed.”

Jack nodded. “I will.”

Shawn followed Cory into their bedroom and let Cory pull him into bed. Five years ago, Shawn had been the big spoon when they cuddled. Now, however, Shawn felt himself becoming the little spoon. He couldn’t bring himself to care about that, though, because he felt safer laying there with Cory wrapped tight around him than he had in five years. For the first time, Shawn could close his eyes and know that he wasn’t going to wake up to a beating or some other form of torture. Burying his face into Cory’s chest, Shawn closed his eyes and fell into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: There it is. The very first chapters. Shawn is home but his ordeal is far from over. I can’t say too much about what’s going to happen because there is a lot that it still yet to come. What I will say is that there will be a happy ending to this story. I hope you enjoyed this and remember to review.  
> Callidora


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This is kind of filler but it also gives some information on what the last five years have been like for Shawn. Rape is mentioned in this chapter but there is no graphic depictions as of yet. Hope you enjoy!  
> Callidora.

Three

Cory woke up sometime in the middle of the night. At first, he wasn’t sure what had woken him. He lay silently for a few minutes before he heard the unmistakable sound of Shawn whimpering. The sound was laden with fear and pain and it stabbed Cory in the chest like a knife. Pulling himself into a sitting position, Cory wrapped his arms around Shawn and pulled him into his lap. He knew better than anyone not to wake someone up from a nightmare too harshly so he simply ran his fingers through Shawn’s hair, humming softly. It took a few minutes but Shawn’s eyes slowly opened and he took a deep, shuddering breath. 

He started to sob then, his tears soaking through the blanket and covering Cory’s lap. It broke Cory’s heart to hear the pain in Shawn’s voice, the fear. He continued to stroke Shawn’s hair, still humming softly as the other man sobbed.

“I’m sorry if I woke you. I…I didn’t mean to.” Shawn whispered against Cory’s leg.

“I want you to wake me up when you’re having a nightmare, actually.” 

Shawn looked up at him, his eyes confused. “Why on earth would you want that?” 

“I don’t want you to be afraid and alone. I’d rather be awake at…” Cory glanced at the clock. “Three in the morning than to have you afraid and alone.” 

“I thought when I escaped that I’d gotten away from them. That I could sleep easy. But I went back. I fell asleep and I went back there.” Shawn whispered, his voice soft.

“What did you dream?” Cory asked, knowing that Shawn wanted to talk about it but didn’t know how.

“You don’t want to know. It…you’ll hate me.” 

“I could never hate you. Not now. Not…not ever.” The very idea was so unthinkable that it made Cory slightly sick.

“He raped me. Just…just the first guy. He never let any of the others touch me like that.” Shawn closed his eyes and gave a rough sob. “He was always so rough and I…I…Cory I’m dirty. He ruined me.” 

Cory’s heart stopped. He’d known when Shawn had told him what happened that this was a possibility but he hadn’t really wanted to believe it. This, on top of everything else Shawn had been through, it was like a knife to Cory’s heart. For a minute, he couldn’t breathe through the wordless rage that clogged his throat. He closed his eyes and resumed the slow stroking of Shawn’s hair, breathing deeply. 

“You don’t have to pretend that you’re okay with it. I…I know you don’t want me anymore.” Shawn whispered and Cory’s eyes snapped open.

“Shawnie…I will always want you. No, I am not okay with this. I’m not okay with the fact that someone hurt you that way. I’m not okay with the fact that you had a piece of yourself stolen like that. But don’t ever think that I don’t want you because I always will.” Cory reached down and tilted Shawn’s head to look at him. “You mean everything to me, Shawn. You are every single dream I’ve ever had and I will never, ever leave you.” 

There were tears streaming down Shawn’s face as he pulled himself into a sitting position beside Cory. Laying his head against Cory’s shoulder, he let out a breath and let the tears fall in silence. Cory pressed a kiss to Shawn’s temple and held him tightly against his side.

“What if this never gets easier? What if I’m stuck with…with this in my head for the rest of my life?” Shawn whispered.

“Then I’ll be right there with you. Like you told me once, it’s been always been you and me and it’ll be you and me forever. Even if you never stop having nightmares, I’m going to be right here.”

“Eventually, you’re going to get tired of waking up like this. You’re going to get tired of being with someone like me.” 

“Not in a million years.” Cory looked down at Shawn and smiled. “When we first got together, you told me that you were afraid I would someday get tired of you. Do you remember what I told you then?” 

Shawn smiled at that. “Well, you called me an idiot at first. And then you said that you’d rather be with me than be anywhere else.”

“Exactly. And that still stands. After five years apart, I still want you more than anyone else. I would happily wake up at three every morning to hold you and reassure you if it meant getting to spend the rest of our lives together.” Cory smiled. “I mean, what better way is there to spend forever than with my best friend?” 

“I’m sorry. I know people get tired of my self-esteem problem…but I…”

“Shawn, the last five years have been hell for you. How could anyone blame you for feeling a little down? The important thing is that you realize that we love you. Mom, dad, along with everyone else in our lives…they love you. They’re happy that you’re home.”

“I…I was surprised about that, actually. I really thought they hated me by now. Especially Jack.” 

Cory chuckled. “Not a chance. Jack…he was the one always right behind me when it came to looking for you. He blamed himself almost as much as I did, I think.” 

Shawn gave a confused huff. “Jack blamed himself? But…that makes even less sense than you blaming yourself.” 

“Not when you think about it from his point of view. The last thing he did before you disappeared was fight with you. He legitimately thought that he somehow contributed to your disappearance.” Cory said quietly. “He really thought he’d never see you again and it tore him up, Shawn. The only reason he’s still here and hasn’t done something stupid to find you is because of Eric and Topanga. They kept him on the straight and narrow.”

“In all the years I was gone, he was the person I thought would be happiest that I was gone. I mean, I was always messing things up for him. I figured he’d be happy.” He huffed out a laugh. “Of course, I thought you’d be back with Topanga by now too so…”

Cory laughed out loud at that. “You thought that Topanga and I would be…Shawn that is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life.”

“In my defense, I was sure that you wouldn’t wait. You’d assume I’d left you and you wouldn’t care to wait.”

“Yeah, at first, I did think you’d left me. But, like I said earlier, I was almost immediately set straight. After that, I just…didn’t know. That was what made it so hard. I didn’t know what was happening and it killed me.” Cory let out a breath. “But you’re home now and we’re going to get through this together.” 

“I hate feeling so unsure. Like…I feel like I don’t have control of anything anymore. Things I knew before…I feel like I don’t know anymore.” Shawn admitted in a whisper.

“Like what?”

“That you’re all really going to be there through this. I…before all this happened I had finally gotten to the point where I knew that people were there for me. I had finally accepted that people cared. And now I just…I don’t. I feel like I’m burdening you all by coming back here.” 

Cory shook his head. “That is one thing that you will never, ever have to doubt. We’re all here for you and we’re not leaving.” 

“I feel like this is all a dream. I’m going to wake up and be back in some basement and you’re going to be gone.” Shawn whispered. “I’m fucking terrified that this isn’t real.” 

“It’s real. I can promise you that it’s real.” 

Shawn looked up at him. “We should get back to sleep. You probably have to work in the morning.”

Cory shrugged. “Seeing as how I work from home now, it’s not a big deal.” He smiled at Shawn, bending to press their lips together for a moment.

“You…I thought you wanted to be a teacher.” 

“I did, at first. When you disappeared, I had a hard time with it. I…I took after you, actually. I write books now. Photography still isn’t my thing and I doubt it ever will be. But I’ve written three books.” Cory smiled. “I make enough now that I work from home. I have my own editor and I don’t have to change out of my pajamas if I don’t want to.”

“You’re always finding new ways to amaze me.” Shawn whispered.

This time, it was Shawn who pressed their lips together. He deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms around Cory’s neck. After a few moments, he pulled away and smiled at Cory.

“What was that for?” 

“I love you.” Shawn said before continuing, “I was also curious to see if I could do that without feeling…icky.” 

Cory’s face creased with worry. “And, do you feel icky?” He asked.

“Surprisingly, no. I didn’t think I would ever be attracted to anyone again. I honestly thought that part of my life was over. But I’m pleased to say that I’m every bit as attracted to you now as I always have been.” 

“I’m glad to hear that. Are you ready to get some sleep now?”

Shawn nodded. “Yeah, I think so.” 

They lay down again, Shawn pressed tight against Cory’s chest. Shawn was the first to fall asleep, his entire body relaxing as he fell into sleep. For nearly an hour after he fell asleep, Cory lay awake and watched him. The deep bags under Shawn’s eyes made Cory’s chest ache. How long had it been since Shawn had slept peacefully? How much longer would it be before he was able to sleep without nightmares? Unconsciously, Cory felt his arms tightening around Shawn as he too descended into sleep.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: This chapter we get to see things from Shawn’s point of view for a bit. I know it’s been mainly from Cory’s eyes up until now but from now on I’ll try and sneak Shawn’s viewpoint in as well. It starts out with the conversation I’ve been both dreading and excited for from the start of the fic. I hope you enjoy and remember to review.  
> Callidora.

Four

Shawn found himself awake before Cory the next morning. Not wanting to wake the other man up, he crept out of the bedroom and into the living room. Jack sat on a chair, watching tv. Yawning quietly, Shawn went to curl up on the couch and tried to pay attention to whatever was on the television. For a long while, the two were content to sit in relative silence. Soon, however, Jack’s voice broke the silence.

“No matter what you think, Shawn, I’m happy that you’ve come home.” 

Shawn glanced at his brother. “Thanks. It’s nice to be home.” He said, keeping his voice quiet.

Jack looked in the direction of the bedroom. “I don’t think anyone is as happy to have you home as Cory is, though.” A small smile crossed his face.

Shawn raised an eyebrow. “The way Cory tells it, you’re pretty happy to have me home yourself.”

“Trust me, he’s not lying. I…when you left, I always thought that maybe I did something that made you leave.” Jack frowned. “After hearing the story, I know I was wrong in that. But still…the last thing we did before you disappeared was fight. The idea that the last thing I told you was that you were an asshole…it’s why I spent the last five years doing everything I could to find you.” 

Shawn smiled. “That…means a lot, Jack. Thanks.” 

His brother smiled at him. “It’s the truth, Shawn.” Jack paused. “What’s the weirdest part about being back?” 

Shawn didn’t have to think about that. “My brother being in a three way relationship with Eric Matthews and Topanga Lawrence.” He said, grinning.

Jack rolled his eyes. “It’s not all that weird, you know. I mean, for you, yeah. But…it feels natural for us. As much as she drives Eric and I both nuts once in a while, having her around completes us.” 

“Trust me, I know what you mean.” Shawn grinned. “Cory and I have spent half of our lives getting on each other’s’ nerves. But I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.” 

“If anyone doubted that the two of you were soul mates, those doubts are gone now. You…you didn’t see Cory when you were gone and believe me when I tell you that you don’t want to have seen it.”

Shawn frowned, looking at his brother. “What do you mean?” His chest ached at the thought of Cory in any sort of distress.

“He…he was lost. It was like someone had taken all the life out of him. The first year you were gone, we really thought that we were going to lose him.” Jack sighed, seeming to think about something before continuing, “I’ve never told anyone else this, mainly because it was nobody else’s business. But you should hear it because maybe it’ll help you understand just how much you mean to him.”

“What is it?” The tone Jack was using worried Shawn but he tried not to let that into his voice.

“On the second year anniversary of your disappearance, Cory tried to kill himself.” At Shawn’s intake of breath, Jack held up a hand and continued, “It was lucky that I’d come over on my way home from work to check on him. Eric, Topanga, and I normally took turns in doing that once or twice a week because he was pretty….out of it at the beginning. He’d become kind of reclusive so we’d come over one or twice a week and make sure he was okay.” Jack looked toward the bedroom. “I walked into the apartment and found him standing in front of the bathroom mirror, holding an entire bottle of sleeping pills in his hand.” 

Jack was quiet for a long moment. “He told me that he couldn’t take it anymore. Living without you wasn’t possible for him anymore. He was pretty drunk and I think he was just…in pain. Regardless, I talked him out of it and convinced him to give me the pills. I stayed with him that night and agreed to keep it a secret unless he tried to do it again. After that, I kind of made it a point to come over myself once every few days.”

Shawn’s throat felt tight. Cory…Cory had tried to kill himself? He tried to imagine what it would have been like to come home to a universe in which Cory had died in his absence and he couldn’t do it. Even attempting to imagine it was like pouring acid into his chest. It was worse than the torture he’d spent the last five years enduring. At least that had been directed at him. It hadn’t been directed at Cory. This…this was evidence that Cory had been hurt by this as well. Shawn wasn’t the only one whose life had been changed by this. 

“Oh my God…” Shawn whispered.

“Cory loves you. And I know you’re thinking of all the reasons why he might leave you. You’ve been through Hell and you’re wondering if he can handle the aftermath. But you don’t need to worry about that. Cory was in Hell without you and he’s not going to subject himself to that again.”

“You should listen to your brother. He’s a very smart man.” 

Shawn turned towards the sound of Cory’s voice. He was coming out of the bedroom, wearing one of Shawn’s old t-shirts. The sight made a smile spread across Shawn’s face. He’d always loved the way Cory looked in his shirts and seeing him in one right then made Shawn feel like he’d truly come home. 

“You’re awake early.” Shawn said, flashing a smile at Cory.

Cory nodded. “Couldn’t sleep with you out here.” 

“I’m sorry to have woken you, then.” 

Cory kissed Shawn’s temple and sat down beside him on the couch. Wrapping an arm around the smaller man, Shawn pulled him against his side and gave a short sigh. He leaned his head against Cory’s and closed his eyes, thanking his lucky stars that this was real. He was home and Cory was in his arms. For the last five years, Shawn had wanted this. To just feel the weight of Cory against him, to be able to kiss him whenever he wanted to, it was everything Shawn had dreamed of for the last five years. He closed his eyes and breathed in deep, inhaling the scent that had always reminded him of home. It was the scent of Cory, the one that always told him that he was safe. Before he really had time to contemplate it, he was falling asleep again.

He was back there. Lying on cold, concrete floor in the darkness. There was someone behind him, someone whose body was too warm and smelled slightly. Shawn couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even move as the terror clogged his throat. The man behind him yanked him roughly to his feet and threw him against the wall, slamming his face against it with a force that made his jaw rattle. Shawn closed his mouth, holding in the screams as his pants were yanked down roughly. 

Cool hands on his cheeks brought him awake and Shawn’s eyes flitted open. Cory was staring into his eyes, an expression of worry on his face. Shawn wanted to say something, to let him know that he was all right but he wasn’t all right. He could still feel the hands of someone else all over his body, could still smell him and it made Shawn want to vomit. His throat closed up as the tears began streaming down his cheeks. Vaguely, he was aware of his brother’s voice in the background but he couldn’t focus on what he was saying. 

“Shawnie. Shawnie it’s okay.” Cory was saying, his voice soft and soothing.

Shawn shook his head vehemently, bile rising in his throat. “No…no it’s not.” He whispered, hating the way his voice broke in strange places.

Cory tightened around him, his hands moving through Shawn’s hair the way they always did when Shawn was upset. It normally calmed him, calmed them both, but this time all Shawn could feel was someone else’s hands on his body. It was too much. Five years of being held prisoner, five years of being taken against his will, and even his freedom was haunted by the memory of it. Shawn felt something within him break, felt the wall he’d built to keep himself strong crumble as the invisible hands kept exploring him. The only thing holding his sanity intact at that moment was Cory’s arms, the tight and warm and safe embrace that was home to Shawn.

“What did they do to him?” Jack’s voice drifted through the haze of confused and ashamed thoughts.

Cory’s answer was hesitant. “It’s not my story to tell, Jack.”

“Tell him.” Shawn whispered, his hands buried in his hair. 

Cory held him tighter before answering. “One of them – the leader – raped him. More than once.” 

Shawn couldn’t look at his brother, couldn’t bear to see the look of complete disgust written all over his face. He and Jack had never exactly gotten along but this…this would make his brother hate him. How could anyone even stand to look at him? He was filthy, disgusting. He didn’t deserve to be sitting there, in Cory’s arms. But he couldn’t move even though he knew he was…he was infecting Cory.

“I’m going to find this guy and I am going to kill him.” Jack’s voice was hard and cold, the rage in it barely contained.

“Just the one?” Cory asked, his own voice filled with anger.

“No. They’ll all die. But that one…that one I will torture. How…how dare he?” The rage in Jack’s voice was unlike anything Shawn had ever heard there before. Still, he didn’t look up. He kept his face buried in his hands.

He didn’t understand what Cory responded with and he didn’t really care to. All he cared about was the fact that he couldn’t stop feeling those invisible hands. They were everywhere. Shawn felt like screaming and he closed his mouth, biting his tongue. Burying his hands into his hair, he dug his nails into his scalp and sobbed again. This wasn’t fair. After everything he’d been through in five years, he shouldn’t have to deal with this as well. He just wanted it to be over, to not have to worry about going back there every time he fell asleep.

What had he ever done to deserve this? He’d done some terrible things in his life but he’d never thought that he deserved this kind of torture. Maybe he didn’t deserve to be loved by someone like Cory. Shawn had always known that. But he had never fully realized how badly he’d messed up until right then. All of this…it must be happening because of something Shawn had done in the past. The knowledge only made him sob harder, his chest and throat aching with the force of his sobs, until he couldn’t even hear Cory’s voice anymore.


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: Okay, so I know that last one was a really heavy chapter. Sorry, but these next few chapter are going to be fairly heavy. Everything is finally hitting Shawn – and Cory – and things aren’t going to get easier. I hope you enjoy and remember to leave a quick review!  
> Callidora.

Five

 

As Shawn went to pieces in his arms, Cory felt like his heart was being ripped out. He and Jack shared a look over Shawn’s shoulder, the rage he felt was reflected in the other man’s eyes. Shawn had never had an easy life but this…this was something Cory had never wanted him to experience. Having someone hurt him like this…it was something that made Cory feel the most pure rage he’d ever felt in his life. He and Shawn had been through Hell together but this wasn’t something that was going away overnight. It wasn’t something that Cory could wish away. 

“It’s never going to end….it’s never going to end…” Shawn’s words were little more than a whispered sob, spoken through clenched teeth, but they slammed into Cory with the force of a semi-truck.

“Yes it is. You’re going to get through this.” 

Cory’s words didn’t have any effect on Shawn. The other man kept rocking himself back and forth, his hands buried in his hair. He was whispering to himself, unintelligible words that sounded broken and lost. Cory felt his heart breaking with every word, felt his world shatter with every tear that slipped down Shawn’s face. He felt useless, unable to bring Shawn back. All he could do was sit here, holding the other half of himself as he shattered into a million pieces. Cory didn’t even know if he could put all the pieces back together and that alone made him want to cry.

He had to be strong, though. Breaking apart was not an option right now, not for Cory. He was Shawn’s strength and he had to keep it that way. There would be a time later, in the future, when Cory could break himself apart. But that time would come when he was alone. Right now he had to focus on the only thing that mattered, the only thing that had ever mattered. Right now he had to find a way to bring Shawn back to him. 

Moving Shawn around in his arms so that they were facing each other, Cory put his hands on the sides of his face. He leaned their foreheads together and stared into Shawn’s wide, unseeing eyes. 

“Shawnie. Shawnie, you have to come back to me now. I need you here.” Cory whispered, his voice gentle.

Shawn trembled, the tears still flowing steadily. There was no reaction to the words, only a tremble and the tears that moved faster.

“Come on baby. You can come back to me. You managed to fight your way back to me before. I know you can do it now. Come on, love, come back to me. Please.” Cory pleaded, stroking his fingers through the back of Shawn’s hair.

Shawn shuddered again, the tears streaming so fast now that it was like an endless river. His mouth moved, wordless sobs that broke Cory’s heart again. Still, he didn’t let the anguish show on his face as he kept pleading with Shawn to come back. 

“I love you. I love you and you’re here. You’re home with me and I’m not letting them take you back. Please baby. Please just come back to me. I promise you, it’s going to be okay.” 

Finally, Shawn gave one last shudder and threw himself fully into Cory’s arms. He buried his face in Cory’s neck and clung to him as though he were afraid to let go. Cory held him as tightly as he could, aware of Jack’s voice in the background, talking softly and quietly. He didn’t pay attention to that. Whoever it was could wait. He resumed his slow stroking of Shawn’s hair, murmuring ‘I love you’ over and over again until Shawn had probably gotten tired of hearing it. 

“I’m sorry…whatever I did…I’m sorry…” Shawn whispered, his lips against Cory’s ear.

If Cory’s heart hadn’t already been in pieces in his chest, that would have done it. Shawn thought he’d done something to deserve this. He thought that he was responsible for the pain that someone else had caused him. 

“No. No, Shawnie. That’s not true. You didn’t do anything wrong. Whoever did this is a sick fuck and they don’t deserve to live. You aren’t to blame.” Cory whispered back, pouring every ounce of love he felt for Shawn into those words.

They sat like that for a long time until Shawn was able to push himself away from Cory. Sitting back on the couch – Cory couldn’t remember how they’d wound up on the floor – they leaned against each other and looked at the room around them. Eric and Topanga had arrived and were standing just a little ways away, talking with Jack. After a moment, they came over and took seats next to Jack.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lose it like that…” Shawn said in a barely audible voice.

Eric shook his head. “Don’t apologize, Shawn. You…you’ve been through Hell. It’s completely understandable for you to lose it.” 

Cory gave his brother a wan smile. “Eric’s right. After what those bastards did to you…I’m proud of you. You’ve been so strong.” 

Shawn shook his head, resting it against Cory’s chest. “Don’t feel strong.” He mumbled, closing his eyes.

“But you are. There aren’t many people that could have survived five years of torture like that and come back from it.” Topanga smiled at him. “But you’re still here. You fought your way back to your family and you’re going to be okay.” 

Cory gave Topanga a grateful smile. “Exactly. I’m more proud of you than I can really say, Shawnie.” 

Shawn sighed and kept his eyes closed. The bags under his eyes told of his exhaustion an Cory kissed the top of his head.

“Go to sleep, love.” Cory whispered, knowing that Shawn was going to fight it.

“I can’t. It’ll happen again…” Shawn whispered, opening his eyes again.

“I’ll wake you up the second you start having a nightmare. But you need to get some sleep. God only knows how long you’ve gone without real sleep.”

Shawn snorted. “It’s…it’s been a while. Their favorite torture method – other than the whipping – was to deprive me of sleep.” He paused. “They’d do anything they could to keep me awake. And they only let me sleep for a couple hours when they did let me sleep.” He admitted.

Cory fought back the wave of angry tears. “Well, you’re home now and that’s not ever going to happen again. You sleep as long as you need to, Shawnie. I’m not going anywhere.”

Shawn opened his eyes, looking up at him. The look in his eyes was so vulnerable that it made Cory’s chest ache. “You promise?” He asked.

Cory nodded, pressing a kiss to Shawn’s forehead. “I promise baby.” 

Shawn closed his eyes then, nestling against Cory’s chest. He shivered a little and Cory gestured with a free hand towards the bedroom. Eric understood the gesture and stood, coming out of their bedroom with a blanket. He draped it over Shawn and ruffled his little brother’s hair. They were all silent for a while, giving Shawn time to fall into sleep, before speaking.

“I never, ever want to see that again.” Jack’s voice was small. He had moved into Eric’s lap and sat with his face buried in Eric’s neck.

“Agreed.” Cory answered, feeling drained and helpless all at the same time.

“What did they do to him? Cory…what the hell did they do to Shawn?” Eric was asking, his arms around a shaking Jack.

“The leader…the one who took him…he…God…he raped him. He raped Shawn…more than once….” Cory said, barely able to get the words out without sobbing.

Topanga’s eyes filled with tears and she joined Jack on Eric’s lap. Eric held them both, his eyes on Cory and Shawn. They were filled with the same anger that Cory imagined would be there if this had been him. 

“They raped my little brother…Eric…they hurt him…” Jack said, unable to keep the tremor from his voice.

Eric closed his eyes. “Fuck…I…oh fuck…” 

For once, Topanga didn’t chastise him for his language. She sat, her head buried in Eric’s other shoulder, shaking. 

“I don’t know what to do.” Cory admitted in a whisper. “I almost couldn’t pull him out of it. He was…he couldn’t hear me. And I couldn’t help him…” 

“This isn’t something we ever imagined. But we…we can get him through this. Fuck…the thought of that happening to one of my brothers…I can’t…” Eric said, his teeth gritted and eyes blazing.

“I feel so helpless, Eric. I’ve never not been able to get through to him like that. I’ve always been able to get through to him and I just…I couldn’t this time.”

“But you were there.” Topanga said quietly. “You were there for him. He came out of it and you were there, holding him. That’s what matters here.”

“She’s right. It’s important that you’re there for him. This isn’t going to be easy for him to get through. He’s going to need you to be there and to be strong for him.” Eric agreed. He shook his head. “After everything he’s been through, this is just too much. He doesn’t deserve this…” 

Jack raised his head. “I think the worst part was seeing him completely lose it like that. I’ve never seen Shawn like that. It was like he…like he just shut down.” 

“I’ve seen him in pain before…but this was…I almost couldn’t handle it. He kept asking why this was happening to him and I…I had no answer.” Cory whispered. He tightened his arms around Shawn, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

Topanga grimaced. “I know this isn’t going to be easy, Cory, but you just have to be strong. Whatever you do, you can’t give up on him.”

Cory’s head snapped up, his eyes meeting hers. “That’s not even an option. I’ve waited five years for him to come home, I’m not going to give up on him just because things are a little difficult right now.” He said.

“I know you won’t, Cory. But I also know how much you love him and how hard it’s going to be to see him go through this sometimes. You’re going to feel helpless once in a while and you’re going to have no idea what you’re doing. But Shawn needs you more than he needs anyone else at the moment. It was you he came back for and it’s going to be you who ultimately gives him a reason to fight this.” She said softly, her eyes gentle as she stared at them.

Cory deflated. “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know where that anger even came from. I’m not mad at you. I’m just…I’m angry at whoever did this.”

Eric nodded. “That’s understandable, Cor. Trust me, if this had happened to Jack or Topanga, I would feel the same way.” He admitted.

“He had a nightmare like this last night but I think I him woke him up before it got too bad. This one was way worse.” Cory said, listening to the sound of Shawn’s even breathing.

“You just have to make sure you’re there when he needs you. You might not always get to him in time. Hell, this is going to happen again and it’s probably going to be worse. But the thing that is going to make the biggest difference is you being there when he does come out of it.” Topanga said, sighing a little.

“I don’t even want to think about it being worse. This was bad enough. What if…what if I can’t bring him back next time?” This was Cory’s biggest fear.

Eric shook his head. “You will. Trust me, it won’t always be easy, but you will bring him back.”

“I waited for five years for him to come back to me…and now that he has I’m scared that I’m going to lose him again.” Cory admitted softly. “I can’t go through that again. I…it would kill me.” 

“You won’t lose him. This is going to be a rough road for a while and you’re going to have to hold on tight, but you won’t lose him again.” 

Silently, Cory agreed. He wasn’t going to lose Shawn again because he was going to everything in his power to stop that from happening. Losing Shawn once had nearly killed him. If it ever happened again, Cory would die. There was no question about it.

“Cory?” Jack asked.

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you for loving my little brother. I…thank you. If it weren’t for you, I know we would have lost him a long time ago.” Jack’s voice was soft.

Cory smiled. “You don’t ever have to thank me for that. He’s saved me just as many times as I’ve saved him.” 

They shared a smile before falling into silence.

“I’m gonna sleep for a bit. Wake me up if he needs me, okay?” Cory asked, stifling a yawn. The emotions of the last few hours caught up with him and he suddenly felt exhausted.

“Sure thing, Cory.” Eric said, smiling.

With one last smile at his brother, Cory fell into sleep himself. The weight of Shawn against his chest lulled him into sleep and kept him there for a long time.


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg guys I am so sorry for the late update on this fic. It's going to get better from here. I have big plans for this fic. I promise.

By the time Cory woke up, it was nearly dinner time. Shawn was already awake, watching tv and talking to Eric. For a long time, Cory lay against the couch just listening to the sound of Shawn’s voice. He hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed hearing it until now and a small smile covered his face as Shawn gave a small laugh. Opening his eyes, Cory sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. 

“Good afternoon sleeping Beauty.” Eric greeted, grinning at him.

Cory flipped him off. “Shut up.” He said, yawning.

Shawn smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to Cory’s lips. 

Topanga came out of the kitchen and took a seat on the floor at Jack and Eric’s feet. She looked at Shawn and Cory, smiling. 

“I just talked to Calvin Ritter. He works for the FBI and he’s really interested in talking to you. Apparently this has happened to three other men in the area but they were all found dead years after their disappearance. He thinks your case may be related to theirs.” She paused. “He suggested that the family be there for the conversation, to lend support.” 

Shawn nodded. “I think that’s a good idea.” 

Cory felt sick. This had happened to other people and…and they’d died. That could have been Shawn. The idea of finding Shawn’s body somewhere, of having to really bury him, made him almost physically ill. He forced it down, forced him to listen to what Topanga was currently saying.

“He’s on his way over now. Calvin said it’s best to get this over with right away and I agreed. I also called Amy and Alan and they’re on their way now. Morgan is going to stay home with Josh.” 

Shawn nodded. He pecked Cory’s forehead. “We should get dressed.” He said.

Cory nodded. “Yeah, probably.” 

They disappeared into the bedroom to get dressed. Cory pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, throwing them on. Shawn chose the same and dressed quickly. 

“I’m scared…” Shawn whispered.

Cory moved to stand in front of him. “What are you scared of?” 

“What are people going to think when they hear what happened? What if they decide that I’m lying about this?”

Cory wrapped his arms around Shawn’s neck. “You don’t worry about other people. Our family knows that you’re not lying and that’s all that matters. Anyone who listens to you tell the story is going to know that you aren’t lying.” He pressed a kiss to Shawn’s mouth and ran his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just…scared.” Shawn said. 

Cory gave Shawn a tight squeeze. The taller man gave a shuddering breath and let himself fall forward, resting his head in the crook of Cory’s neck. Cory held him tightly, letting him take deep breaths for a few long moments. 

“Come on. Our family is waiting for us.” Shawn said after a long moment.

Cory smiled at him and reached up to run a hand through Shawn’s hair. “I love you. No matter what happens after this, I will be right here.” 

Shawn pressed their lips together. “I love you too Cor.” 

When they got outside, there were three other people in the living room. Alan and Amy Matthews sat on a small couch together. Sitting on a kitchen chair that someone had obviously dragged out of the room was a tall man with graying black hair. He was talking quietly with Topanga as they walked out of the bedroom. 

“You must be Cory and Shawn.” He said.

“That’s us.” 

They shook hands with the man as he introduced himself. “My name is Calvin Ritter but you can call me Cal. I work with Topanga.”

“It’s… it’s nice to meet you.” Shawn stammered out, leaning back in his seat next to Cory.

“So, shall we get down to business?” Cal asked.

“Yeah.” Shawn said, his face was very pale and he looked scared.

Cory rested a hand on the small of Shawn’s back. Shawn leaned into the touch and closed his eyes before he opened his eyes and began to tell the story. He was shaking by the time he’d finished, his skin pale and clammy. Cory wrapped his arms around him and let Shawn press his face into his shoulder, breathing in an out. In front of them, Cal looked like he’d seen a ghost. 

“This sounds very similar to several incidents we’ve had in the area in the past twenty years.” Cal said slowly. “We’ve had five other men go missing. They were all found years after their disappearance, murdered and sometimes… sometimes they’d be mutilated in other ways as well.” He said.

Shawn and Cory both paled at this. The thought that Shawn could have been murdered made Cory feel sick to his stomach. He leaned against the other man’s chest, breathing heavily. 

“He could have…oh my God…” Eric’s voice was rough and shocked and he met Cory’s gaze.

“It’s a very, very good thing you escaped. If your case is connected with these others – and I don’t doubt it is – then we have a good chance at catching these guys and locking them up.” Cal said, looking over at Shawn.

“I always knew it could have happened. Honestly, had they not threatened to come after Cory…I wouldn’t have escaped.” Shawn admitted.

Alan and Amy were white, their eyes fixed on Shawn. Though he’d admitted this before, it never got any easier to hear Shawn tell them that he wouldn’t have escaped if not for them threatening Cory. It brought visions of what it would have been to find him dead somewhere that nearly made him sick. Cory turned, burying his face into Shawn’s shoulder and letting himself breathe in the scent that reminded him that Shawn was home. He’d come home. He hadn’t been murdered. 

“I’ve written your statement down, Shawn, and I’ll take it back to the office tonight. We’ll likely need more information from you but, for now at least, this will do.” Cal said, rising.

Shawn nodded, his arms tight around Cory. Topanga stood up, speaking in a low tone to Calvin. Shawn pressed his face against the top of Cory’s head, trying to calm himself down. They sat like that for a long time, their eyes shut and their arms wrapped tightly around one another. When they pulled apart, they noticed that the rest of their family was watching them, fear and relief mixing on their faces.

“Thank God that wasn’t you…” Eric whispered, his voice breaking the shocked silence that had settled over the room.

“It could have been Cory. If I hadn’t been able to escape. That’s what you’re really thinking. It could have been Cory.” Shawn’s words were almost silent and he didn’t look at Eric as he spoke.

The words made Cory’s chest ache with a combination of rage and sorrow. He could kill those assholes for making Shawn think like this again, for bringing back all the old insecurities. Shawn truly believed that Eric didn’t…. that none of them… honestly care about him. His life was expendable. Eric spoke again, his voice steady and clear even through the tears that glittered in his eyes. 

“No. That’s not what I meant. It wasn’t what I was thinking.” Eric let out a long breath. “I was thinking that the man that’s been one of my brothers since we were kids could have been murdered and I wouldn’t have known who or why.” 

Shawn gave a noncommittal hum, the tears streaming down his face. Still he didn’t look at Eric or at anyone else. A moment passed and Eric stood, coming to kneel before him. He forced Shawn to look at him and spoke in that tone he used when he was truly serious about something. It was the same tone he used when Cory had done something that hurt him or when he needed to play the wise older brother and it tugged at Cory’s heartstrings.

“Don’t ever doubt that you are every bit as much my brother as Cory and Josh are. You’ve been a part of our family since we were kids. When you disappeared… it wasn’t just hard for Cory. Cory wasn’t the only one who grieved your loss. We all did. We lost a brother, a son. Don’t ever doubt that we love you because we always have, Shawn.” 

The tears dripped down Eric’s face as he spoke but his voice remained clear and steady. Shawn remained silent, impassive, for a long time. When he finally broke, he gave a loud sob and turned his face into Cory’s chest and let himself sob. Eric lay a hand on his back and Cory pulled his older brother against them. A moment later, the rest of their family joined them. It was a massive, sobbing hug but it was… comforting somehow. They were in this together. All of them. And, no matter how bad things got…. They would get better.


	7. Seven

The next day, Eric sat outside in the car for a while to give Cory and Shawn some time alone. They’d asked Eric if he would give them some time to spend with just the two of them. Eric had nodded, grinning at them both, before going to sit in his car. 

Shawn and Cory stayed on the couch for most of the morning, planted in front of the television while reruns of an old sitcom played. Neither of them were really paying much attention to the show, however. Cory had his laptop out and was working on his next novel. Shawn was laying in his lap, a book propped on his knees. They sat in relative silence, both of them just taking comfort in the fact that the other person was there. 

It was around the ninth time that Cory gave a frustrated little sigh that Shawn glanced up from his book. He smiled, seeing the way Cory’s brows knitted together and his tongue stuck between his teeth as he stared at the screen of his laptop. Reaching up, Shawn placed one hand behind Cory’s head and pulled him down for a soft kiss. When they pulled apart, Cory was smiling at him. It was a smile easily returned and Shawn set aside his book for the moment. He was starting to get bored and Cory looked like he was getting frustrated with whatever it was he was trying to write.

“Come lay down with me, love.” Shawn pleaded.

Cory yawned, setting aside the laptop. “I don’t mind if I do.” 

Shawn looked at Cory, seeing the dark circles under his eyes. He’d been yawning all morning but he’d not complained about sleeping bad. Shawn hadn’t had any nightmares in a couple of nights. Sleeping beside Cory brought a sense of safety back to him and, while he still sometimes woke up with a general feeling of fear, he hadn’t had a real nightmare in a while. But Cory looked exhausted, like he hadn’t been sleeping and Shawn couldn’t help but be worried. He wrapped himself around his shorter lover, pressing a kiss to Cory’s shoulder as they pulled the blankets around them. 

“Have you been sleeping all right?” He asked.

Cory yawned again. “Uh… Yeah. I guess so.” He said.

Shawn let out a quiet snort. “You’re not a good liar, Cor.” 

“It’s nothing Shawnie.” Cory promised, pressing himself closer to Shawn.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong and let me decide for myself if it’s nothing?” Shawn said and Cory turned in his arms, pressing his face against Shawn’s chest.

“When they said nightmares were natural, I assumed they were just talking about you.” He said quietly. “I didn’t think I’d have ‘em myself.” 

“But you do.” 

Cory nodded. He didn’t say anything else, though. 

“What are they about?” Shawn asked, rubbing one hand up and down Cory’s back.

“It’s nothing, Shawnie. I’ll be okay.” Cory insisted.

“Cory. You haven’t been sleeping, obviously. Just because I have shit to deal with doesn’t mean I can’t help you through this as well.” Shawn pressed a kiss to the top of Cory’s head. “This was just as traumatizing for you as it was for me.” 

“Someone comes and they take you away again. Sometimes they… they kill you right in front of me. I can never save you or stop them.” Cory squeezed Shawn’s middle. “It’s like I’m paralyzed and they just… you’re gone. And then I wake up and you’re still there but I can’t make myself go back to sleep because I can’t… I feel like I have to watch and make sure you stay there.” 

The revelation made Shawn’s chest ache. He could deal with what had been done to him. Maybe he hadn’t deserved it and it was shitty. But it had been him who was being hurt. What he couldn’t deal with was Cory being hurt by this as well. It was beyond unfair that Cory was losing sleep, was having nightmares, because of this. Shawn tightened his arms around Cory’s waist and nuzzled his face into his shoulder.

“The next time you have a nightmare like that, wake me up. Don’t just sit awake and make yourself more miserable and scared. Wake me up and I’ll hold you until you fall asleep again.” Shawn told him.

Cory shook his head. “I can’t do that to you.” 

“You will. I want to be there to hold you, to make sure you’re okay.” Shawn looked down at him. “This was hard for you too, Cor. I’m not the only one who’s going to need help pulling through this. I don’t want you to be sitting awake, watching me sleep just to make sure that no one takes me away again. When you’re scared like that… I want to be able to hold you.”

“I… I suppose you’re right.” 

Shawn pressed a kiss to his lips. Gentle. Soft. “Go to sleep, Cor. I’m right here.” 

Cory nodded, pressing his cheek to Shawn’s chest and closing his eyes. Shawn stayed awake until Cory’s breathing evened out before letting his own eyes fall closed. It was a matter of moments before he fell asleep himself. 

He awoke a little bit later to the sensation of Cory pressing himself against his side. He could feel the other man shaking as he pressed himself tightly against Shawn’s side. Shawn reached out and pulled him close, pressing a kiss to Cory’s forehead. Cory shivered, pressing his face into Shawn’s neck.

“What happened?” Shawn asked.

“They killed you. You were right in front of me and they shot you. I could feel your blood. I can still feel it. I… fuck… I can’t….” Cory broke off, shuddering.

Shawn could see him trying to pull himself together, could see Cory trying to keep himself from falling apart. He didn’t think he could, Shawn realized. Cory thought that he had to stay strong, that he couldn’t show Shawn how scared he was and how much he’d been hurt because he needed to be Shawn’s rock.

“I’m right here. Not going anywhere.” Shawn whispered, his hands rubbing up and down Cory’s back.

“I’ll be okay. I’m just… a little shaken.” Cory said, his voice forced and too calm.

Shawn shook his head. “You don’t have to be strong for me. Not right now. You’re not okay. You’re scared and you’re hurt and you’re trying too hard to be strong.” He pressed another kiss to Cory’s mouth. “Just let go. I’m strong enough for the both of us at the moment.” 

Cory tried to remain composed for a few moments before he broke. He turned his face into Shawn’s shoulder and let the tears fall. It broke his heart to see it, to hear the loud and painful sobs, but Shawn bore it. He held Cory as the smaller man sobbed, as he clutched Shawn as if he were afraid he would vanish if he let go. All the while, he rubbed slow circles into Cory’s back, pressing kisses to his forehead and whispering comforting words to him as he cried. 

When he’d finished crying, Cory sat up beside him and stroked Shawn’s hair. The motion seemed to calm him and he spoke in a soft voice. 

“There was a time, when you were gone, where I honestly thought about just killing myself.” He whispered. “I couldn’t handle being alone and I didn’t know what had happened to you.” 

Shawn didn’t say anything, knowing that there was more Cory wanted to say. And the other man did speak again, his voice soft and filled with pain.

“There were a lot of nights that I slept on the couch because I couldn’t sleep in that bed without you. I didn’t… I didn’t take care of myself the way I should have. Eric and Jack and Topanga… they sometimes had to remind me to do things like eat and shower. I slept at the cemetery sometimes because I thought it was the closest I’d ever get to you.” He closed his eyes. “I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that the last thing we’d ever done was fight. I hadn’t told you that I loved you or that you were… that you were everything to me. If you had died… you would have done so thinking that I was mad at you. I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to tell you that you meant the universe to me. It nearly killed me.” 

Sensing that Cory was done, Shawn pulled himself up and pulled Cory against his chest. He pressed a kiss to Cory’s temple and sighed. 

“I knew you loved me. When I walked out of the apartment that night, I knew you loved me. I knew you weren’t so mad at me that it would end us. Hell, I only left the apartment because I knew I was still annoyed enough to be petty and cause some sort of argument. But I knew you loved me, Cory. I couldn’t have thought otherwise.” He leaned his head against Cory’s. “You were what kept me alive the five years I was gone. When things got too bad, I would close my eyes and pretend you were there. It helped. Reminded me that I had someone out there who loved me. They couldn’t take that from me and it kept me strong. Helped me escape.” 

“I keep thinking about it. You could have died. We could’ve found your body and then that grave would be…it would be a real grave.” Cory shuddered. “It terrifies me. I know I need to be strong but…”

“You don’t have to be strong all the time, Cor. You’re strong when I need you to be but that doesn’t mean that you can’t break sometimes. What do you think I’m here for?” He looked down and smiled softly. “You’re my best friend and you’re the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. I’m here to make sure that you’re okay too, Cor. I’m here for you no matter how much shit of my own I have to deal with.” 

“You have enough to deal with without me adding to it. I can’t…” 

“Like I said before, this was every bit as traumatic for you as it was for me. I am not the only one who’s been hurt by this, Cor. I’ve always been there for you and I don’t plan on stopping now.” Shawn interrupted, his arms tightening around Cory.

“We’re going to get through this, aren’t we?” 

There was a pleading note in Cory’s voice, a sound of uncertainty that made Shawn want to cry himself. He held Cory tighter and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. 

“Of course we will.” Shawn whispered, pressing his lips against Cory’s temple.

Cory curled against him, his face hidden in the crook of Shawn’s neck. He was breathing deeply as though reminding himself that Shawn was there. The taller man closed his eyes and let himself do the same. Cory was right here. In his arms. No one was going to take this away from him. Not ever again.


	8. Eight

The next couple of days were quiet. Jack and Eric took shifts staying at the apartment and Topanga came over one afternoon as well. Mostly, Cory and Shawn just tried to relax. Things were still pretty heavy at times, especially when it came time to sleep. One or both would wake in the middle of the night, clinging to each other and sobbing. But it was getting easier to deal with. Day by day, they were getting better. Shawn was starting to feel safe again. It was something he hadn’t been sure if he’d ever be able to say. 

Currently, they were laying on the couch together while Eric puttered around the kitchen. Shawn was hovering somewhere between awake and asleep while Cory stroked his hair with one hand and flipped through emails with the other. There was some movie on television that Eric had put on but neither of them was paying any attention to it. 

“You guys hungry?” Eric asked, standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

Cory didn’t look away from his emails. “I’m not sure I should answer that. Your cooking is likely to poison us.” He said, fingers clicking against his keyboard.

His brother rolled his eyes. “I can cook boxed stuff. And pancakes. In this case, I made pancakes.” 

“Yeah, we’ll have some.” Cory said. 

Shawn grinned at him and stood up, following Eric into the kitchen. Eric got his plate first and went back to the living room while Cory and Shawn made their own plates. It was silent for a moment and then they heard Eric give an angry-sounding shout. Looking at each other, Cory and Shawn set their plates down and hurried out to see what was going on. 

The sight that met them made Shawn’s blood run cold. A tall man with long, greasy black hair and dull brown eyes stood in the living room, a gun pointed at Eric. The older Matthews brother had dropped his pancakes all over the carpet and was holding his own gun, pointing it at the intruder. Shawn grabbed Cory and held onto him tightly, terror filling him to the brim as the intruder stepped forward.

“Shawn, Cory, get to the bedroom and lock the door!” Eric commanded, his gun still pointed at the guy’s chest.

But Shawn couldn’t move. He felt like he was paralyzed, his entire body rigid and cold all at the same time. Beside him, Cory was pulling on his hand, trying to move him towards the bedroom but Shawn couldn’t move. The man in the doorway… he was one of the men that Shawn had feared the most. He was the one who had overseen making sure Shawn stayed awake.

“Shawnie, come on. We have to get to the bedroom. Baby, come on.” Cory pleaded, pulling harder on Shawn’s arm.

Greasy tilted his head at the scene before him, a sneer curving his upper lip. “Did you really think you could get away from us?” He chuckled low in his throat and Shawn’s blood turned to ice. 

“Leave my brothers alone, greaseball!” Eric shouted, drawing attention back to himself. 

“It’s cute, really. That you think you’re allowed to have this.” Greasy went on, ignoring Eric completely. 

It was Cory’s voice that answered him. “You’re not taking him away from us again. I’ll kill you before I let you do that!” 

Shawn’s heart stopped at the sound of Cory’s voice. He’d never heard it sound like it. It was like Cory himself had turned to ice. He risked a glance at his boyfriend and saw that Cory was staring directly at the intruder, his brown eyes dark. 

Eric didn’t seem to want to hear anything else. He pulled the trigger on his own gun, shouting once more for Cory and Shawn to get to the bedroom. They didn’t move, watching in horrified relief as the intruder was thrown back by the force of the bullet. He slumped against the wall, bleeding but unconscious and Eric shouted for Cory to call Calvin Ritter. Cory moved hurriedly, forcing Shawn to follow him. 

Shawn couldn’t focus on what Cory was saying. All he could think about was that they’d found him. He had put Cory and Eric in danger because they’d found him. Everything inside of him wanted to run as fast and as far away as possible right then but he couldn’t move. Cory’s voice was speaking hurriedly beside him and Shawn reached out, threading their fingers together. He received a gentle squeeze in return and felt his hand clench around Cory’s. 

Cory led him to the living room after that. The intruder was laying against the wall, still unconscious. Still, Eric was standing above him with his gun pointed at him. Shawn sank onto the couch beside Cory and buried his face in his shoulder. He felt like his chest was imploding and it was hard to breathe but he focused on the feeling of Cory breathing. The sensation helped to ground him. By the time Calvin Ritter showed up, Shawn was calm enough that he was only shaking a little bit. 

“Is this one of them, Shawn?” Calvin asked softly after he’d finished talking to Eric. 

Shawn nodded. “I don’t know his name, though. Only ever called him Greasy in my head.” He said.

“He’ll be taken to the hospital. If he survives, we’ll interrogate him and charge him. For now, though, I’m going to recommend that you guys stay somewhere else. Eric said that your parents offered to let you stay there and I think it’s a good idea. I’m going to send a few guys from my own department to the house as well to keep watch.” 

“That’s not a bad idea.” Cory agreed, his fingers carding through Shawn’s hair.

Calvin left after a quiet conversation with Eric and Shawn turned himself into Cory’s arms. Cory tightened around Shawn, whispering soft words that Shawn couldn’t really understand into his ear. For a long time, they stayed like that. When they pulled away, Eric was standing beside them.

“C’mon. We’ve gotta get you two to mom and dad.” He said, reaching out to lay a hand on Shawn’s shoulder.

“Are you okay, Eric?” Shawn asked, swallowing a lump in his throat.

Eric nodded. “Just a little shaken is all. I’ll be okay as soon as you two are at mom and dad’s place and we can all relax.” 

Cory nodded, pressing a kiss to Shawn’s hair. “C’mon, Shawnie. Let’s go pack a bag, all right? I don’t want to be here any longer than I have to.” 

Shawn nodded, following Cory into the bedroom. He sat on the bed and watched his boyfriend pack a bag, unable to move. Cory could have gotten killed today. Greasy wouldn’t have hesitated in pulling that trigger. If Eric hadn’t been there, Cory would have been dead. Shawn was sobbing before he really realized it.

“Shawnie? What’s wrong?” Cory asked. He’d dropped the bag beside Shawn and was kneeling down in front of him. 

“You could have been killed. I could have… if Eric hadn’t been there, I would have lost you.” Shawn murmured, wrapping his arms around Cory’s neck.

Cory reached up and cupped Shawn’s face in his hands. “But he was and you didn’t. I’m right here and it’s going to be okay.” 

Shawn didn’t answer. He pressed himself against Cory and sobbed again, the terror coming out in waves that felt like they were crashing over him. The tears kept coming until Shawn slipped into sleep, exhausted and afraid, against Cory’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of this will be dealt with in the next chapter but this was a decent place to end this chapter. I hope to have the next one out a LOT sooner than this one but I can't make promises. Real life has been crazy lately but I promise I AM still working on all of my stories. I hope you enjoyed this.


	9. Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness, guys. I am so sorry that it took so long for me to update this fic. My only excuse is that life has been busy lately. I'm currently out on a long-term road trip with my husband and we rarely ever have internet. I'm still working on my fics, but I haven't exactly been able to update them. Anyways, I hope you enjoy and remember to review.   
> Callidora.

Amy and Alan were more than happy to have Shawn and Cory with them. Shawn himself had to admit that it was comforting to have them close. For so long, he’d been alone. It was like he’d forgotten what it felt like to have family around him. He’d forgotten how Amy’s soft voice and gentle smiles could make him feel like everything really was going to be okay. He’d forgotten how Alan’s goofy jokes and firm support had always made him feel like there was one place where he truly belonged. Being back there was good for him, for both of them.

They were both still shaken from their encounter with one of Shawn’s kidnappers, of course. Cory hadn’t let Shawn out of his sight since it had happened, and Shawn couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed by that. He didn’t really enjoy the thought of Cory out of his sight either. No one else seemed to mind and everyone did their best to make the two men feel safe. Even Josh did his part. He’d taken an immediate liking to Shawn again and spent most of his free time talking his ear off about nothing in particular. Whether it be a new cartoon he was watching or something Morgan had done that had struck him as odd, Josh seemed to be doing his best to make sure that Shawn smiled as much as possible. Which was relatively easy to do because the youngest Matthews was the most adorable child that Shawn had ever seen. 

“One of my first memories of you is thinking that you and Cory were the single most annoying boys on the planet.” 

Shawn glanced across the table at Morgan. The younger girl was drinking from a cup of coffee – mostly milk and about a pound of sugar – and watching him with a small smile. He grinned at her, used to her odd way of complimenting her brothers by way of insults. 

“You loved us, though.” He teased.

Morgan smiled. “I still do.” Her smile softened, and she reached out to touch his hand. “I’m really glad you came home. It was weird without you around. Too quiet.” 

“You’re always complaining that we’re too noisy.” He pointed out, glancing outside where he could see Cory chasing Josh around the yard. The youngest of the Matthews Clan was half naked and laughing uproariously, the sound carrying into the house.

“I’m your little sister. Complaining about you guys is kind of in my job description.” She chuckled and then squeezed his hand. 

Shawn smiled at her and took a drink of his own coffee. In front of him, Morgan gave a burst of laughter as Josh came tearing in the kitchen door, laughing uproariously at having evaded Cory’s attempts to catch him. Cory entered a few seconds later, shirtless and laughing. He poured himself a cup of orange juice and dropped into a seat beside Shawn.

“Did we ever have that much energy?” He asked.

Shawn nodded. “We had more energy, I think. Eric still complains that we nearly killed him several times.” 

“Eric is the Queen of Melodrama.” Cory retorted, rolling his eyes. 

“You aren’t wrong.” Morgan inserted, grinning. 

Shawn took a drink of his coffee and leaned back in his chair, content to listen to Morgan and Cory reminisce over their childhood problems with Eric. In the living room, he could hear Alan arguing with Josh in the living room. It sounded like the kid didn’t want to put a shirt on. He snorted, listening to Alan trying to reason with the kid and having no such luck. Josh seemed to have a bit of personality gained from each of his siblings. He had Cory’s sense of humor, Morgan’s stubbornness, and Eric’s habit of never taking anything seriously. These traits combined into one person made for a little boy who drove all of them completely insane.

“You all right, Shawnie?” Cory asked, twining their fingers together. 

Shawn pecked his lips, tasting the orange juice Cory was drinking. “I’m fine, just comparing Josh to his siblings.”

Morgan raised an eyebrow. “I can honestly say that I have no idea what you’re on about.” She stated.

“Josh,” Shawn began, ticking items off on his fingers, “Has Cory’s sense of humor, your stubbornness, and Eric’s habit of absolutely never taking anything seriously.” 

“Oh God,” Amy said from the doorway, “I think you and Cory can adopt him in that case. Raising one of you was enough.” 

“You know, Josh has something of you in him as well.” Amy told Shawn with a small smile as she sat down beside him. 

Shawn raised an eyebrow at her. “Oh?And what’’s that?” 

She brushed a hand down his face, her smile gone soft. “He’s got a bigger heart than anyone I’ve ever met.” 

Shawn looked away from her, unable to bear the affection shining in her expression. “I’m sure he gets that from you, actually. You Matthews folk are the ones with the big hearts.” 

“I remember a young man who became my son’s best friend and stayed that way, no matter how difficult his life was.” Amy brushed the hair out of his eyes. “You’re as much a Matthews as the rest of us, Shawn.” 

Cory gagged. “Then my relationship with him might be incest, Ma.” He teased, pressing a kiss to Shawn’s cheek. 

Morgan rolled her eyes at them. “You’re all disgustingly adorable. I’m going back to sleep for a bit.” 

She ruffled Shawn’s hair as she passed him, laughing when he shook his head at her. Amy stood and walked towards the stove, calling out breakfast announcements to anyone who may or may not be in the house, and Cory leaned back in his chair. 

“She’s right, you know.” He said, reaching out to wrap an arm around Shawn’s shoulders. 

Shawn shrugged. “Only partially.” He said.

Cory raised an eyebrow. “How is she only partially right?” 

“You’re the real reason that we stayed friends.” Shawn hummed into his coffee. “If you hadn’t been so stubborn, I would have ruined everything a long time ago.” 

Cory shrugged and pressed a kiss to Shawn’s temple. In a way, he figured that Shawn was right. But then again, he didn’t care about what might have happened because it hadn’t happened. Shawn had remained his best friend and, somewhere along the way, he’d become Cory’s better half. No matter what had happened or what might have happened, Cory could never find anything but joy in the life he’d built with Shawn. After losing that for five years, he was even more certain that this was what he wanted for the rest of his life.

“I guess we both have a lot to be thankful for, then.” Cory said after a minute.

Shawn smiled. “I guess so.” 

Cory stole a drink of Shawn’s coffee, turning to ask his mother a question. Eric entered the kitchen as he was opening his mouth, already embroiled in an argument with Topanga. Jack and Topanga entered behind him, Jack rolling his eyes at Eric’s high-pitched mocking tone.

“What’s their problem this time?” Shawn asked his brother. 

Jack rolled his eyes. “Eric left the toilet seat up again.” He paused, “That argument led to a list of things that they each do on a weekly basis that annoy the other.” 

“And you live with this all the time? Happily?” Cory asked incredulously.

Jack nodded. “As long as they’re not actively pulling me into the argument, yeah. It’s amusing.” He grinned mischievously. “Plus, the sex is magnificent afterwards.” 

Cory grimaced. “Dude, not before breakfast.” He rolled his eyes and reached for Shawn’s coffee again, earning himself a semi-annoyed grunt.

“He’s actually not lying, little brother.” Eric interrupted Topanga’s current rant to tell Cory, smirking when she hit him over the head.

“I’m sorry about them, Cory. They’re both idiots.” Topanga apologized quietly, rolling her eyes and slipping into a seat between Jack and Eric.

Cory lifted one shoulder. “I’m used to it. I grew up with Eric, remember? He’s always been an idiot.” He dodged Eric’s hand as it swatted at him. 

“Then why didn’t you warn me?” She asked playfully.

“I kind of figured that you knew this already.” Cory said, grinning at her.

“Who knew what already?” Alan asked, entering the room with Josh just behind him.

Cory looked at him. “Topanga was asking me why I didn’t warn her that Eric has no brain. I told her that I figured she knew already.” 

Alan nodded. “I agree with Cory. You were around enough as a kid to have already known.” He teased, moving towards the stove where his wife was cooking bacon.

“Alan Matthews, you get away from my bacon.” Amy warned, slapping at his hand.

Alan pouted. “Awe, come on honey. I’m hungry.” 

Again, she slapped at his hand. “Get away from here. Go!”

Shawn gave a quiet laugh and pulled himself to his feet. Dropping his coffee cup in the sink, he headed outside. It was nice to be back with family but there was sometimes when having everyone around began to feel stifling. At first, he’d been afraid of offending them when he had to go somewhere else for a while. The last thing he wanted was to make them feel like he didn’t appreciate them, especially after everything they’d done for him. He should have known that he needn’t have worried about it because they’d made it clear that they understood the need for silence once in a while. 

“Shawn!” 

The sound of his brother’s voice made Shawn turn around. Jack was jogging towards him, a light hoodie slung over one shoulder. Shawn stopped and waited for the other man to catch up to him before starting to walk around the yard slowly. 

“You doing okay?” Jack asked. 

Shawn nodded. “So far, yeah.” He stuck his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “You guys all right?” 

“We’re okay. Eric was pretty freaked out for a while, but he’s settled down again.” Jack said, shrugging one shoulder.

Shawn thought about apologizing again, but Jack had threatened to hit him the last time he’d done that so he simply nodded. 

“How’s Cory been?” Jack asked after the silene settled between them.

“He’d be a lot better if he’d sleep more.” Shawn said, rolling his eyes. “If I don’t sleep, he won’t sleep. Which is nice, you know, ‘cause I don’t like being awake alone. But it means that he’s not getting much sleep.” 

Jack hummed. “He’s worried about you. You see that therapist dude yet?” 

Shawn grunted. “Yeah. I wasn’t happy about it and I don’t like him, but I went.” He paused, “I’m trying to convince Cory to see someone too but he’s being stubborn.” 

“I’ll have Eric talk to him later.” Jack said, “It could do him some good to see someone. You weren’t the only one affected by it and Cory needs to see that.” 

Shawn let the silence fall comfortably between them for a while. After a few seconds, he turned to Jack and asked, “How was he really? When I was… gone, I mean. He won’t give me a straight answer.” 

Jack looked away. “Are you… are you sure you want to know? It wasn’t good.” He asked, biting his lip. 

“I need to know, Jack. Cory… I need to know what this did to him. He won’t tell me ‘cause he doesn’t think I can handle it, but I need to understand.” Shawn pleaded, balling his hands into fists.

Jack let out a long sigh and closed his eyes. Stopping, they sat down on a bench at the end of the yard and Shawn let his brother gather his thoughts. When he finally opened his eyes again, Jack looked to the sky. 

“The first few months were the easiest, I think. Cory kind of just convinced himself that you’d left him. No matter how much we tried to tell him that you’d never walk away from him, he just swore that you’d left him.” Jack sighed, “I think he was just scared of accepting that something else could have happened, you know? He couldn’t face that, I don’t think. He wouldn’t talk about you at first, wouldn’t mention your name. If anyone else mentioned you, he turned to stone. It was painful to watch but we… we didn’t know how to get through to him.” 

Jack paused and rested his face in his hands for a long time. Shawn felt like someone was squeezing his heart. It hurt to think that Cory could have believed that he’d ever just walk away like that, but he understood it. If their situations had been reversed, Shawn probably would have felt the same way. He would rather have Cory walk away from him without explanation than to not have any idea what had happened to him. 

Jack let out a shallow breath. “It was Topanga who finally got through to him.” He scrubbed his hand down his face with a grimace. “We were at a barbecue one night nine months to the day after you disappeared and Cory was… he wasn’t dealing with it very well. He was trying to pretend that he was okay, but we could see right through him.” 

Shawn watched his brother’s face crumple for a moment, memories clouding his eyes as he stared up at the sky. Again, his chest felt tight and he had to take a deep breath to stop himself from screaming.

“Anyways, we were all talking about something that had happened back in your high school days. Eric mentioned your name and Cory just… he just snapped. Started screaming for Eric to just shut up about you. You were gone and you weren’t coming back and he didn’t want to hear about you anymore.” Jack’s hands were shaking now and he shoved them between his legs. “Topanga slapped him. Right across the face. She went off on him… and I won’t repeat all of it but she made him understand that you hadn’t left him. There was something else going on here and Cory just needed to man up and believe it.” 

In his mind’s eye, Shawn could imagine the scene that his brother was describing. It broke his heart to think of it, to think of Cory so broken that he had to lie to himself. Beside him, Jack gave a shuddering breath and started talking again.

“He started crying. These… these huge, backbreaking sobs. It was the most painful thing I’ve ever seen. He just kept crying and he couldn’t seem to stop.” Jack shook his head. “After that night, it was like something inside Cory just died. He was a ghost, pretty much. Once a week, he came to dinner over here and that was it. If we didn’t make sure to keep checking on him… I don’t think he would still be here today.” 

Shawn leaned forward and rested his head in his hands. He’d known it was bad when Cory had refused to tell him anything, of course. And Jack had told him about the near-suicide attempt. But he hadn’t expected it to be like this. The thought of Cory, his Cory, becoming a ghost made Shawn’s chest ache and he had to hold back the urge to hit something. 

“Thanks. I… Thank you…” Shawn stammered, pulling himself back to his feet.

Jack shrugged. “You needed to know, man. Just… be patient with him, all right?” 

Shawn nodded and started back for the house. Hearing Jack’s story had left him with the urge to wrap his arms around Cory. The image of Cory, broken, was seared into his memory and he needed to get that image out. His hands were shaking as he pushed open the kitchen door and went to pull Cory into his arms. It didn’t matter how many people were watching; all that mattered was that Cory was right here and that they were together.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: Hey guys! Back at you with another update for this fic. :) Jack and Cory get to have a little heart-to-heart in this one. It ends on a hopeful note because I couldn’t bear to make myself cry by ending it on a sad one. I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. :) As always, thank you for reading. I appreciate you guys so much.  
> Callidora.

It was three in the morning and Cory was once again shooting awake in bed. Beside him, Shawn was lying curled on his side and Cory took a moment to stare down at him. In the thin stream of moonlight, Shawn was quite possibly the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. His hair fell into his eyes and the peaceful expression on his face made Cory’s chest ache. He didn’t know what was wrong him, not really. Shawn was home. He was lying beside Cory with arm tossed loosely around his waist. But all Cory could think about was five years of loneliness and pain so deep it felt like a stab wound. 

Leaning forward, Cory lay his head in his hands and took a deep breath. This was the fourth time in the last two weeks that he’d woken with the unstoppable urge to just… just watch Shawn. It was stupid and creepy and he hated it, but he couldn’t stop himself. He leaned back against the headboard and watched Shawn for a long moment before deciding to get out of bed. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, He pulled on a t-shirt and headed downstairs. 

He’d expected the house to be empty at this hour, but the light above the kitchen sink was already on. As he entered the kitchen, Cory saw that it was Jack who sat at the kitchen table with a mug of freshly-brewed coffee in front of him. The other man looked up as he entered and hummed a greeting before returning to his coffee. Cory poured himself a glass of milk and went to sit beside him, comfortable to simply sit in silence. 

“Why are you awake so late?” Jack asked after a moment of silence.

Cory glanced towards the stairs. “Just couldn’t sleep, I guess.” He said.

“You’re still not sleeping.” It wasn’t a question and Cory felt himself flush, shame filling him.

He bit his lip. “Not much, at the very least.” Cory agreed, looking at the table.

“Shawn’s worried about you, you know.” Jack’s voice was soft, like always, but it was enough to make Cory look up. 

“He shouldn’t be worrying about me.” Cory murmured, looking away again.

Jack snorted. “Cory, have you lost your mind?” He asked incredulously. 

“What are you talking about?” Cory asked, setting aside the milk that he had yet to drink from. 

Jack sighed, setting aside his coffee. “Look, you and Shawn have been together your whole lives.” He held up a hand when Cory moved to interrupt. “And yeah, Shawn’s been through some really terrible crap. It’s been a nightmare. But, he’s still your boyfriend. He still loves you and he still worries when he notices that something’s wrong with you.”

“He has his own trauma to deal with.” Cory stubbornly insisted. “The last thing he needs is to worry about my unnecessary bullshit.” 

“Unnecessary bullshit.” Jack repeated. 

After a moment of silence, he rolled his eyes. “Cory, this was traumatic for you too. You lost the love of your life. Shawn was gone for five years and you had no idea what had happened to him.” Jack scrubbed a hand down his face, heaving another sigh. “Just because he came home doesn’t make that experience any less traumatic for you.” 

Cory looked away. “You’re right. I know you’re right… but I don’t want him to have to deal with my problems. He should be focusing on… on being home and relaxing…. not focusing on me.” 

“I get that. I really do, okay?” Jack lay a hand on Cory’s arm. “But Shawn wants to be there for you, okay? That’s how he’s going to get through this. Being able to be strong, having that reason to make himself strong, it makes him feel normal again.” 

Cory let out a breath. He hadn’t thought of it that way. In a way, though, it made sense. Draining the last of his milk, he pulled himself to his feet and clapped Jack on the back.

“Thanks, Jack. I… I think you may be right.” 

Jack nodded, grinning at him. “Now go to bed. I’m headed back to bed myself. Eric and Topanga will be down here to drag my ass to bed soon.”

Cory raised an eyebrow. “Why did you guys stay here anyways?” 

“Eric fell asleep and Topanga and I hate waking him up.” Jack shrugged. “We stayed to avoid that whole thing.” 

“Ah. Well, goodnight Jack.” 

“Night Cory.” 

When Cory got back to the bedroom, he found Shawn sitting up in bed. He was leaning against the headboard with his head tilted back. His shoulders were bare, though he had the blanket wrapped around his chest. Slipping out of his t-shirt, Cory crawled back in bed beside him and lay his head against Shawn’s shoulder. An arm came up to wrap around his waist, tugging him closer. Lips pressed against Cory’s temple and he sighed, pressing his face into the crook of Shawn’s neck. 

“I’m sorry, Shawnie.” he whispered, closing his eyes against the tears that threatened to overwhelm him.

Shawn blinked down at him. “For what, exactly?” He asked quietly.

“I… I haven’t been very open with you.” Cory said, curling tighter against Shawn’s side.

“Ah,” Shawn said, “That.” He pressed his lips against Cory’s forehead and sighed. “It’s all right, Cor. I understand why you don’t wanna talk to me about this stuff, you know.” 

Cory looked up at him, meeting those brilliant amber-green eyes that still made him weak in the knees. “I just… I…” He let out a shaking breath. “This was traumatic for you. I… I know, that. I didn’t want to make you have to deal with my shit ‘cause it’s not… it wasn’t as bad for me.” 

“That’’s bullshit and you know it, Cory.” Shawn said. “Yeah, this has been a fucking nightmare for me. The last five years have been…. I don’t have words to describe how terrible they’ve been for me.” He ran a hand down Cory’s back. “But that doesn’t mean that you went through here was any less. Jack told me about some of it, you know. And I… Cory, that’s nothing small. You… I left you alone. For five years.” 

Cory sighed. “I didn’t… I didn’t know who I was with you gone. It felt like… like you had just taken everything that made me Cory Matthews out of me and I didn’t know where it was.” He closed his eyes, his body trembling.

“Cory, you don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready. It’s okay.” Shawn whispered, holding him tighter.

“No, no I have to do this.” Cory let the tears start to fall and allowed himself a moment to breathe deeply before he looked up at Shawn.

The expression on Shawn’s face took Cory’s breath away. He looked like someone had punched him in the gut, his gaze focused on the tears still rolling down Cory’s face. Reaching up with one hand, he cupped Cory’s cheek in one hand and stroked his thumb across the tears a few times. Cory closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, savoring the warmth of Shawn’s skin against his own. 

“Did… did Jack tell you that I completely shut any mention of you out of my mind for the first few months?” Cory asked, his voice shaking.

Shawn nodded, his thumb still stroking along Cory’s cheek. 

“It wasn’t that I didn’t love you anymore… I just.. I couldn’t… you were gone.” 

Shawn shook his head, interrupting Cory’s rambling. “I know that, Cor. I know you loved me then, just as you always have. You don’t have to rationalize to me.” 

“They all tried to get me to see sense but I couldn’t make myself. I didn’t want to know what had happened to you. Back then, in the beginning, it would have broken me.” He leaned forward and rested his head against Shawn’s chest, needing the reassurance of the steady heartbeat to calm him. 

“There was this barbecue a few months after you… after you left. I went and everything was okay, at first. And then, then everyone started talking about you. Things you’d done when we were kids, memories we’d made… and it was… I guess it was just too much. I lost it. They didn’t understand what it felt like to lose you the way I had because they hadn’t and I couldn’t make them understand.” Cory let out a rough, dry sob. “I don’t remember anything past Topanga slapping me. But… things weren’t the same after that. I stopped coming outside, stopped doing things with other people. I wasn’t even a ghost… just some shade of… fuck, I don’t even know. I wasn’t functioning, though. And I couldn’t.” 

Shawn pressed his lips to Cory’s, shutting out the rest of whatever Cory had been planning to say. After a long time, he pulled away and just rested their foreheads together. Cory gave a heaving breath and pressed himself into his boyfriend’s embrace. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered into Shawn’s skin, swallowing back more tears.

Shawn placed a gentle hand on the back of Cory’s neck. “It’s all right. It’s gonna be okay, Cory.” He kissed him again. “I love you and I’m sorry you had to go through that alone, but you’ll never be alone again. I’ll never leave you alone again.” 

“Please don’t.” Cory whispered, aware that he was begging. 

“I won’t. I promise.” Shawn whispered. “Now, come on, let’s get some sleep.” 

Cory nodded, his eyes already drooping. Allowing himself to be pullled down, he rested his head against the smooth skin of Shawn’s chest. Shawn kept his arms around him as they fell into sleep togeether. This wasn’t going to be easy, not by a long shot, but Cory knew that it would be worth it. He had the love of his life back, lying next to him in their bed, and he wouldn’t let anything take him away again. Even if he had to die to keep it from happening, Shawn would not be taken again.


	11. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! This was such a fun chapter to write. I love writing angst, of course, but the happy chapters make me grin like an idiot. This one is kind of short, admittedly, but it's still one of my favorite ones. There will be a few more non-angsty chapters after this one, though. I'm enjoying writing happiness for a bit.   
> Callidora.

Things settled down after Cory and Shawn hashed everything out. There were still rough spots, but they no longer felt like there was a wall steadily building between them. Somehow, it made Shawn feel safe again. He’d always felt safe with Cory, of course, but having that wall knocked down reinforced that safety. It helped, too, having the rest of their family around them. They were all supportive, even Josh who didn’t quite understand why everyone was so tense sometimes. 

Shawn yawned and took another gulp of his coffee, resting his chin in his hand. It was only nine in the morning, far earlier than Shawn was normally awake, but he couldn’t have slept in if he’d tried. Eric, Jack, and Cory had taken off earlier without explaining where they’d darted off to. Shawn strongly suspected that there was some shenanigans involved due to the sheer amount of giggling that had gone on as the three men were preparing to leave. He’d let them go without too much fuss, though, because of the smile on Cory’s face. It had been a while since he’d seen happiness like on Cory’s face and he wanted it to stay there. 

“Good morning, Shawn. Where’s Cory?” Alan asked, walking in the kitchen behind his wife.

Shawn shrugged. “I have no idea. Jack and Eric took him somewhere this morning.” 

Amy handed a cup of coffee to Alan. “I wonder where they went.” She said, glancing at her husband.

“God only knows, honestly.” Shawn said. “They were giggling like a couple of schoolgirls, though.” 

Alan groaned. “Oh no. One of Eric’s schemes. I guarantee it.” He murmured. 

“Whatever it is, it can’t be too bad.” Shawn said, lifting his shoulder in a shrug.

“Why do you say that?” Amy asked, draping an arm over her husband’s shoulders.

Shawn took a sip of his coffee. “Cory didn’t kiss me goodbye more than two times. When he’s about to launch himself into one of Eric’s schemes, he kisses me goodbye at least four times.” 

“I hope you’re right.” Alan said, “Because Topanga might just castrate them both if they get Cory into trouble.” 

Shawn waved a hand. “Cory was happy; Anything that makes him smile like that is something I’ll approve of.” 

“I hope you’re absolutely certain about that.” Alan said, rolling his eyes.

“Certain about what?” Topanga asked, leaning against the doorway.

Shawn glanced at her. “He wants me to be certain that I approve of whatever scheme Eric’s dragged Cory into this time.” He explained.

“Oh. That.” Topanga grinned. “I wouldn’t worry about it. They’re not up to anything bad this time. Cory and Eric explained it all to me last night.” 

Shawn tilted his head. “What are they up to?” He asked.

“It’s a surprise.” She smirked. “Which reminds me, you need to go get dressed.” 

“Why?” Shawn asked, raising an eyebrow at her. 

Topanga shook her head. “I have a part to play in your surprise as well. You and I are going to do a bit of clothes shopping and then we’re going to have a late lunch.” 

Shawn groaned. “Why do I have to be there for all this clothes shopping?” 

“Because we’re shopping for you. Now, go on and get dressed.” 

Shawn rolled his eyes but complied with her request. There was a time and place for arguing with Topanga and this wasn’t it. As he left the kitchen, he heard her whispering something to Alan and Amy, probably confiding in them whatever Cory had planned. He allowed a small smile to curve his lips as he pulled on a fresh pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Whatever Cory had planned, he’d obviously put some effort into keeping it a secret because he wasn’t normally capable of keeping secrets. 

“Are you ready?” Topanga asked when he entered the kitchen again.

“As I’ll ever be.” He answered, noticing that Amy and Alan looked suspiciously happy.

She grinned, pecking her in-laws on the cheek. “We’ll get going then.” 

As he followed her out of the kitchen, he couldn’t help but to thank God that he’d come home again. He couldn’t even begin to express the feeling of contentment that welled inside of him when he thought about how much these people loved him. The Matthews’ could have given up on him years ago without a second thought. Topanga could have forgotten that he’d ever existed. Jack… Jack could have moved on. But they hadn’t. They’d stuck by him, even when they weren’t even really sure if he was still alive or not. 

“I’m so glad you’re home, Shawn.” Topanga said, as though reading his thoughts. 

He reached out to squeeze her hand. “Thanks ‘Panga. I… it means a lot to me that you guys never gave up on me.” 

She gave a watery smile. “There was no way we could have given up on you. Not only because Cory wouldn’t have let us but… but because you wouldn’t have given up on us if the tables had been turned.” She wiped her tears and grinned.

“So, what’s this surprise?” He asked, changing the subject to a lighter one.

She rolled her eyes. “It’s worth more than my life to tell you that. Cory would kill me and then Eric and Jack would leave me.” She patted his cheek. “You’ll just have to wait until we get home.” 

“I figured you’d say that.” He said.

“Don’t worry. You’ll like it. Cory’s spent days planning it all out.” 

They stopped in front of a men’s clothing store and Shawn turned to raise his eyebrows at her. This was a formal place, tuxedos and the like. Stuff Shawn would never in a million years wear. But Topanga only hummed and climbed out of the car. After a moment, Shawn climbed out after her and followed her into the store. Into madness. 

For the next six hours, Shawn tried on more tuxedos than he could count while Topanga stood off to one side, humming. By the time she’d settled on one - she wouldn’t let him change out of it - Shawn was bored and tired but Topanga was grinning so widely that he feared her face was going to split in two. They stopped at a little cafe for lunch on the way home. 

“Are you ever going to tell me why I’m wearing a tuxedo?” He asked as they sat down.

She shook her head. “Nope. You’ll find out when we get home” 

“Topanga, this is ridiculous.” He said, “I look like a buffoon.” 

“You look handsome.” She disagreed. “Besides, you won’t look underdressed.” 

He made to comment but stopped when the waiter came to take their order. Despite having her order picked out already, Topanga took quite a while to actually say what she wanted. Shawn narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously.

“Are you stalling for time?” He asked.

She nodded. “Cory isn’t ready yet. He still has a few things to set up.” 

Shawn groaned. “Jesus.” 

But he grinned in spite of himself. Whatever Cory had planned, it was going to be worth Shawn’s effort. He’d gone to great lengths to make it special and, even though Shawn was incredibly curious about it, he wasn’t about to push for more information. He allowed himself to be pulled into a conversation about an argument Topanga had overheard Eric and Jack having, content to let her control much of the actual conversation. 

“As weird as it sounded in the beginning, you three seem to work well together.” Shawn said when she’d finished her story.

Topanga blushed. “Thanks. It wasn’t easy at first, of course, but we’ve figured things out over time.” 

“No relationship is ever easy.” He assured her. “Even Cory and I have had bumps along the way.” 

She rolled her eyes. “You’ve always found a way back to each other, though.” 

“We decided early on that we wanted each other. Forever.” Shawn said, “We promised each other that we would always be there for each other, and we’ve managed to keep that promise.” 

She pushed her plate away with one hand. “I’m glad I’ve found that kind of love. Are you ready to see your surprise?” She asked.

“Finally.” He groaned, standing up with a grin. 

They walked back to the car and Shawn smiled at her again. Once they’d finally stopped fighting for Cory’s attention, Topanga had become one of Shawn’s closest friends. She was loyal to a fault and somehow always knew just what to say. He was happy that she’d found the kind of love she deserved. His brother and Eric were lucky men. 

When they pulled into the driveway, Topanga pulled Shawn in and hugged him tightly. She pulled away a second later and led him into the silent house. Shawn tilted his head at her, a question already on his lips, but she pushed him towards the back yard with a soft smile. His heart racing, Shawn opened the back door and stepped out into the early evening. 

His breath caught in his throat when he caught sight of the scene before him. Cory had set up an arch in the center of the back yard with fairy lights adorning it. The rest of their family were seated quietly behind the archway. Standing underneath the archway, his back to Shawn and his hands in the pockets of his tuxedo, was Cory. His face was tilted towards the sky but Shawn had never seen a more breathtaking sight. The rest of the world faded as he approached Cory and lay a hand on his shoulder. Soft piano music began playing in the background as Cory turned around and dropped to one knee in front of him. 

“Cory…” Shawn whispered, staring down at the simple gold ring in the velvet box that Cory had pulled from his pocket. 

Cory smiled at him. “Shawnie.” He took a deep breath and continued, “You’ve been my best friend all my life and I can’t think of anyone else that I’d ever want to spend my life with. I can’t imagine myself loving anyone else the way I love you.” 

Shawn’s breath caught in his throat as tears gleamed in Cory’s brown eyes. He reached out and took Cory’s hand, his heart stuttering to a stop. 

“Would you make me even luckier than I already and marry me?” Cory asked finally, his voice soft and shaking.

Shawn couldn’t speak so he nodded, his body shaking as Cory pushed the ring onto his finger with a shaky smile. Tears began to fall as Shawn dropped to his knees beside Cory and wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck. Cory pressed their mouths together, pushing every bit of love and joy into that kiss and Shawn couldn’t help the small sob that released as he kissed back. This was where he belonged, where he’d always belonged. The realization made warmth flood through him as he and Cory lost themselves in the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAH! That was so much fun to write. Seriously, I made my husband give me a very strange look because I squealed when Cory revealed his plans to me (which was about half-way through writing the first draft of this fic.) and I erased everything to write this. What do you guys think? Is it too much? Too soon? Did you like it? Ah! I hope you're enjoying this because I'm really enjoying writing it. 
> 
> In other news, I have a one-shot coming out here pretty soon. It's angsty and fun and I've cried like eight times while writing it, so you can hopefully look forward to that pretty soon. I have been pretty busy writing my original work, though, so if I don't update on time I've probably been editing my own novel.   
> Callidora.


	12. Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer than our usual chapters, but that's because I'm late uploading this and I wanted to make it a good one. :) I hope you all enjoy this!  
> Callidora.

Twelve

Shawn couldn’t stop staring down at the small golden band on his ring finger. It felt like a weird, intense dream that he’d been having. He’d always known that Cory loved him. There could never be any doubt about that. But he’d been certain that he would someday manage to push Cory so far away that there was no coming back. The ring on his finger was a symbol that Cory really was in this for the long haul. 

Same sex marriage wasn’t yet legal, but Cory and Shawn planned to do a small commitment ceremony to recognize the union. Someday, when it had been made legal, Cory had promised to make their union legal. Even if it was never made legal, though, what they had so far was enough for Shawn. To have the man he loved willing to put a ring on his finger, to vow to love him forever, was enough for him. 

“What are you thinking about?” Cory asked, wrapping his arms around Shawn’s waist from behind.

Shawn turned to smile at him. “How much I love you.” He answered, a corny smile on his face.

“I love you too.” Cory laughed. “You have no idea how hard it was to keep this all a secret from you.” 

“I have no idea how you managed it without me noticing.” Shawn said, glancing towards where their brothers were currently standing.

Cory followed his gaze, smiling. Eric and Jack were swaying slightly to nonexistent music, their arms around each other’s waists. Topanga was sitting a few feet away from them, talking in a low voice to Amy and Alan. Shawn smiled and leaned his head against Cory’s, feeling safe for the first time in five years. The thought made him turn around to bury his face in the crook of Cory’s neck.

“What’s this all about?” Cory asked, running a hand through his hair. 

Shaw looked at him. “I feel… I feel safe.” He whispered. “You made me feel safe again.” 

He stopped himself before he started babbling but the smile on Cory’s face was wide and genuine, lighting up the entire back yard. Shawn pressed his lips to Cory’s, tasting the joy in that smile for himself. They stood there for what felt like hours underneath the flickering starlight with their lips pressed together. Far from feeling gross about that kiss, Shawn felt like he could kiss Cory for the rest of his life and not get tired of it. Pulling away, he rested his head on Cory’s shoulder and just held his lover for a long time. 

“We should probably go join everyone else, huh?” Cory whispered when they pulled apart again.

Shawn nodded, glancing over to where Eric and Jack were now leading Topanga in a strange, three-way slow dance. She was laughing, her head thrown back as the two men playfully pulled her back and forth. Nearby, Morgan was snapping a photo of Josh who had fallen asleep on the grass, spread-eagle. Amy was sipping a glass of sweet tea as her husband grilled hamburgers near her. 

“Congratulations, jerks.” Morgan greeted as they took seats near her.

Shawn reached out and ruffled her hair. “Thanks, kid.” He teased, watching her roll her eyes at him.

“Be careful, she knows where you sleep.” Cory said with a laugh.

Shawn glanced at him. “Yeah, right next to you.” He pointed out, grinning when Cory rolled his eyes.

“Morgan wouldn’t attack me in your place.” Cory stated, glancing at his sister. 

Morgan shrugged. “How do you know? I very well could.” She said after a moment. 

Cory grinned at her, tossing an arm around Shawn’s shoulders. “Shawn would protect me.” He said confidently.

“I would?” Shawn asked, laughing at the outraged cry that came out of Cory’s mouth. 

“Well, yeah. I know you would. Just like I’d end up protecting you from evil little sisters.” Cory said, grinning.

Shawn pressed their lips together again. He felt Cory smiling into the kiss and allowed his own smile to break through. They pulled apart to the sound of Morgan’s quiet scoff, grinning at each other and her. 

“You two are gross.” Morgan said, wrinkling her nose. 

Cory rolled his eyes at her. “Like you’d have us any other way.” He pointed out with a grin.

“That doesn’t make you any less gross.” She said, but her eyes were soft. 

Shawn shifted to lean his head against Cory’s shoulder with a sigh. Cory wrappped an arm around his waist and pressed a kiss to his forehead. For a while, Shawn listened to the conversations going on around him with a small smile. Just a few months ago, he’d thought that his life was over. He’d lost all chance of being happy when he was kidnapped. The memory of those nights still scared him sometimes. But sitting there with Cory’s arm around his waist and the quiet voices of their family around him was better than Heaven. At least in Shawn’s opinion. 

“You okay Shawnie?” Cory asked, glancing down at him.

Shawn smiled up at him. “Just thinking.” He said.

Cory stroked the hair out of Shawn’s eyes. “What about?” 

“Just… how happy I am. I didn’t think I could be this happy again and it’s… it’s nice.” Shawn admitted.

“Me neither.” 

Eric and Jack plopped themselves into chairs in front of them, grinning. Jack still held a grinning Topanga in his lap and Shawn rolled his eyes at them. Topanga just grinned wider and snuggled down into Jack’s chest with a soft laugh. 

“Are you done doing the tango out there?” Cory asked. 

Eric stuck his tongue. “At least we danced instead of sitting here like a couple of bums.” 

Shawn smirked. “Hey Cor?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Let’s go dance.” 

Cory shook his head. “I can’t dance, Shawnie. You know that.” 

Shawn grinned. “Come on, we’ll slow-dance. You don’t have to do anything; just sway to the music.” 

“All right.” 

Shawn led Cory a little ways away and wrapped his arms around the smaller man’s waist. Someone turned on a slower song and they swayed gently from side to side with Cory’s head on Shawn’s shoulder. As they swayed together, Shawn felt a part of his anatomy that he didn’t think he could use anymore slowly waking up. He closed his eyes, remembering how it had felt when Cory made love to him. Had his captors ruined his ability to enjoy that? Would he ever be able to have that sort of intimacy with Cory again? The thought brought a wave of sorrow crashing over him and he buried his face in Cory’s shoulder with a sigh. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Cory asked, stroking the hair at the back of Shawn’s neck. 

Shawn shuddered. “I miss… I miss you.” 

“Shawnie, I’m right here.” Cory said.

“I miss you in a different way, Cor.” Shawn said, biting back a laugh at the confusion in Cory’s voice.

“Oh.” Cory pulled back to look into his eyes. “I miss you too, love.” 

Shawn bit his lip. “I don’t… I don’t think I can do things the way we used to.” He whispered.

“So we don’t. We can… we can change things up.” Cory said, his cheeks coloring.

“Are you sure?” He asked. “You don’t have to do this if you’re uncomfortable.” 

Cory rolled his eyes. “Hey, I like trying new things.” His smile went soft. “Besides I’ve missed you too, you know.” 

Shawn bent and pressed his lips against Cory’s. After a moment, Cory deepened the kiss and reached up to tangle his hands in Shawn’s hair. Settling his hands on Cory’s hips, Shawn allowed Cory to dominate the kiss for a moment. 

“I love you.” Cory whispered, pulling back. 

“I love you too.” Shawn whispered, laying his forehead against Cory’s. He tangled their tongues together lazily. 

The sound of wood shattering tore their attention away from each other. Turning, Cory gave a strangled shout as he turned towards the source of the sound. Three heavily armed men in black suits were forcing their way past Cory’s family. Throwing an arm out, Cory pushed Shawn behind him and took a few steps in the opposite direction. 

“Shawnie, Shawn I need you to run.” Cory insisted, turning to face Shawn. 

Shawn was frozen, his face an expressionless mask and Cory swore. He wasn’t going to be able to snap Shawn out of this in time. Looking past the men, he saw Topanga slipping away with her phone in hand and met Jack’s eyes. A slow nod told him that she was calling for help. He turned back to the men and stiffened his spine. He reached back and took Shawn’s hand, holding it tightly as he met Eric’s eyes over the men’s shoulders. Eric was struggling to get towards them but Jack was holding him back, rage darkening their faces. 

“Thought you could run from me, did you Shawn?” The man in front asked.

Cory met his eyes. He was a tall man with short blonde hair and gray eyes. His skin was sallow and oily and Cory could smell a vinegar-like body odor that clung to him. Shawn’’s hand tightened around his, though he didn’t speak. 

“You don’t get to talk to him.” Cory snarled, squeezing Shawn’s hand. 

The guy laughed. Shawn flinched away from it. “You’re brave for someone with no gun.” He said, his tone light.

Cory fought the fear climbing over his skin. “Shawn is mine. You’re not taking him away from me again.” He said.

Shawn had curled up against Cory’s back, his head resting against Cory’s shoulderblades. Cory took his strength from that, allowed the feeling of Shawn against him to give him strength. 

“But he’s not yours anymore.” The man said, “He’s mine. I’ve had him. All of him. Haven’t I, Shawn?” 

Cory snarled. “It doesn’t matter what you took from him, you bastard! He’s mine and I’m not letting you come anywhere near him.” 

The smile on the man’s face turned deadly. “Now, Cory. You’ve got two choices. You can move out of my way of your own free will. Or,” He pulled out his gun and pointed at Cory’s chest. “I can make you. Choose wisely.” 

Shawn whimpered but Cory stood firm. “Then you’d better make me. I’m not letting you hurt him again.” He snarled.

“No… no, Cory. Please…” Shawn whispered, his voice shaking.

“It’s okay, Shawnie. I love you.” Cory whispered, his hand tightening around Shawn’s. 

The man sneered at them. “Pathetic.” 

The shot rang out across the yard, screams mingling as Cory was jerked to the side. The bullet dug into with his shoulder and knocked him off his feet. White-hot pain spread through his body as he heard his family screaming. Above their screams, though, was the sound of Shawn’s broken sobbing. Cory opened his eyes to find Shawn on his knees beside him, his face wet with tears. He raised a hand to cup Shawn’s face, wiping away the tears with a careful thumb.

“Hey, hey don’t cry. It’s okay, Shawnie. I’m okay.” Cory pleaded, listening to sirens wailing nearby. 

Shawn shook his head, clutching Cory’s shirt in both hands. 

Eric and Jack dropped down beside them, their expressions dark. “All but the last guy got away.” Eric said, “They took off as soon as you were shot.” 

Cory growled and regretted it almost immediately. “Fuck. Goddammit that hurts.” 

“Stop moving, moron.” Eric said. “Where did it hit?” 

“My shoulder. Shawn pulled me away before it could hit where the asshole had been aiming.” 

“There’s an ambulance on its way. Mom and dad are talking to the police right now.” Eric told him.

Cory nodded. “Is Josh okay?” He asked.

“He slept right throught it. Morgan took him upstairs a few minutes ago.” Jack said, smiling.

“Thank God.” Cory breathed, “Go and find Topanga, you two. Shawn and I will be fine until the ambulance gets here.” 

Jack looked like he wanted to argue but Eric shook his head and pulled him off towards their girlfriend. When they were gone, Cory tugged Shawn down into his arms. He curled against Cory’s chest, not caring about the blood that had seeped through his clothes. 

“You should’ve just let him take me.” Shawn muttered. “I didn’t want to be the reason you were hurt.” 

Cory pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I’m pretty sure the bullet just grazed me, babe. I’m not even bleeding much anymore.” He paused, “I was not about to watch you be ripped away from me again.”

“I’d rather be ripped away than watch you be hurt.” Shawn whispered, shaking.

“Tough. I’d rather be hurt than to spend the rest of my life in an empty apartment. I don’t want to be without you again, Shawn. Ever again.” Cory said, brushing the hair our of Shawn’s eyes.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Cory.” Shawn whispered, shivering.

Cory kissed him. “You have nothing to apologize for. None of this is your fault, love. I’m going to be fine. You’re going to be fine.” He looked up at the paramedic that had stopped in front of them and struggled into a sitting position.

His shoulder ached but it didn’t feel like anything had lodged inside of it. He kept his good arm wrapped tight around Shawn’s shoulders as the paramedic gently pushed his shirt away from his shoulder. 

“The good news is that it doesn’t look too bad.” The paramedic said, “I do want take you in just to make sure that the bullet isn’t still lodged inside of there. How does it feel?” 

Cory wiggled his shoulder back and forth a few times. “It’s sore but it doesn’t really feel like there’s anything lodged inside of there.” He admitted.

“It’ll be sore for a while yet. We can take you in the ambulance if you’d like, but I think your brother wanted to take you himself.” The young man said.

Cory glanced behind him where Eric and Jack were talking to Calvin Ritter. “If it’s all right, I’ll have Eric take me.”

“You should be fine to have him take you as long as you leave quickly. You don’t seem to be bleeding too much anymore, but I wouldn’t risk it.” 

Cory struggled to his feet and led Shawn over to their brothers. He greeted Calvin with a short smile and shook his hand.

“I heard you boys have had quite the trouble tonight.” Calvin said. His tone was light but forced and Cory could hear the strain underneath.

Cory just nodded as Shawn leaned his head against Cory’s shoulder. 

Eric looked at them. “You guys all right?” He asked in concern.

“Just shaky is all.” Cory said, pressing a kiss to the top of Shawn’s head. “To be honest, I think I’m still in shock.” 

Shawn shivered and pressed closer to Cory. He met Eric’s concerned gaze with a tired smile before closing his eyes. “I’m okay. As long as Cory doesn’t leave me alone for too long I’ll be all right.” He said.

Calvin cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable. “The police officers that were stationed out front were killed. They must have had a silencer on their guns because no one reported any suspicious activity until Topanga called me.” He shook his head. “One of the men is in custody but the leader and the remaining man managed to jump into a waiting vehicle.” 

“Fuck.” Jack cursed, running a shaking hand through his hair. “We’re gonna have to move again.” 

Calvin nodded. “I think that would be best, actually. I’ve spoken to my superiors and they’ve agreed to cover the costs wherever you choose to go. We’ll also be having a security detail of our own men following you as well as local PD so that this doesn’t happen again.” 

Cory looked down at Shawn with a small smile. “What about Vermont?” He asked, “I think I promised you once that I’d take you to Vermont. What do you say we go get married in Vermont?” He asked.

“That… that sounds nice.” Shawn said, his voice faint. 

“Don’t worry about anything aside from resting, you two. I’ll have Topanga arrange the flights and the hotels and everything else.” Eric said. “You wanna head to the hospital, Cor?” 

“Yeah.” Cory glanced at Calvin. “Thank you for everything. I’m sorry for jetting off just as you get here but my shoulder is kind of sore and Shawn’s tired.” 

Calvin shook his head. “You guys are fine. I’ll speak with Topanga and help her with the arrangements so that everything gets paid for. If you have any other problems, Eric and Jack both have my personal cell number as does Topanga.” 

“Thank you.” 

He headed off towards Topanga, who was standing in the corner near Alan and Amy. Cory looked down at Shawn and brushed his knuckles down Shawn’s cheek.

“Do you want to stay here and get some sleep, love?” He asked, quietly.

Shawn shook his head, clinging tighter to Cory’s hand. “No. No, I don’t want to be without you right now. Please don’t make me stay here.” He closed his eyes and leaned into Cory’s touch. 

“Okay, you don’t have to. I’d rather have you with me too.” Cory assured him, glancing over at Eric.

“Let’s get outta here you two.” Eric said, leading them towards Amy, Alan, and Topanga. 

When they got close enough, Amy and Topanga hurried over to hug them both. Shawn hugged them back but quickly retreated to Cory’s side again, his hands shaking. Alan joined them a moment later and simply rested a hand on Shawn’s shoulder. He did hug Cory, but he didn’t hold the hug long.

“Thank God you’re both okay.” He said, his hand still on Shawn’s shoulder. “We were frightened that we’d lost you both.” 

Amy pressed a kiss to Shawn’s forehead. “I know I don’t say it nearly enough, but I’m really glad that you’re my son, Shawn. I don’t know what our family would have done without you.” Her eyes filled with tears and Shawn stepped forward to give her a gentle hug

“I love you guys.” He whispered, voice cracking. “I’m sorry that I brought all of this on you.” 

Alan shook his head. “Listen to me, all right?” He waited until Shawn looked at him to continue. “You are as much a part of this family as Cory is. There is nothing we wouldn’t do to make sure that you’re safe and happy. The five years you were gone were the worst of our lives and if it means keeping you with us, we’d gladly endure this. Don’t blame yourself.” 

Shawn nodded and stepped back into Cory’s arms. He looked up at Cory and closed his eyes, exhaustion lining his face. 

“Let’s get to the hospital, Eric. I want to get this over with so we can come home and sleep.” Cory said, following his brother to the front yard.

Eric opened the back seat for them and watched them climb in together. Inside, Cory gathered Shawn into his arms and held him for a long time. Now that the adrenaline wasn’t rushing through him, he started to feel the panicked fear that Shawn was already feeling. He’d come so close to losing Shawn and it frightened him. He never wanted to see that kind of resigned terror on Shawn’s face again. He pressed his face into the crook of Shawn’s neck and took a deep breath. Everything was okay. As terrified as he’d been, Cory knew that he would rather have died than to let Shawn be taken from him again. He closed his eyes and focused on staying calm as Eric pulled away from their parents home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wasn’t going to end this chapter like this but the idea hit me at four in the morning and I couldn’t help myself. The next chapter picks up in Vermont and I’m pretty excited for what’s coming there. I hope you guys are enjoying this as much as I’m enjoying writing it. Remember to leave a comment if you enjoyed it!   
> Callidora.


	13. Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg. I'm so sorry that this update came so late. There were a lot of family issues that came up and then I just lost inspiration for... everything... for a while. Thankfully, I was able to update this finally. I hope you guys enjoy this and remember to leave a comment.   
> Callidora.

Cory ended up getting lucky. The bullet had only grazed him, leaving him sore but no worse for wear. After spending most of the night in the hospital, they’d gone home to find that all the arrangements had been made for their trip to Vermont and they were set to leave the next morning. Topanga and Jack were the only ones awake when Eric returned with Cory and Shawn, though they were both dressed in night clothes. 

“Are you both all right?” Jack asked as Cory Shawn took seats at the table. 

Shawn yawned. “We’re all right. Still a little shaken up, I think, but we’re okay.” He glanced down at Cory and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I’m going to take a shower. Will you be up soon?” He asked. 

“Yeah. I’m just gonna make a sandwich. I’ll be up by the time you’re out of the shower.” Cory said.

Shawn hummed and headed upstairs for a quick shower. As he disappeared up the stairs, Cory leaned his head against the table and let out a tired sigh. 

“We need to keep an eye on him.” Jack said, his gaze lingering on the stairs that Shawn had disappeared up.

Cory nodded. “I’m worried about him.” He confessed. “He was getting better and then this happened. I don’t want to see him scared anymore.” 

“As long as we’re there for him, I think he’ll be okay.” Eric said, “Shawn’s tougher than we think he is. As traumatic as this was, I think he’ll be all right as long as he knows we’re here for him.” 

“I know that, but you guys don’t see the nightmares that he still has. They were worse when he first came home. I don’t want them to get like that again.” Cory scrubbed a hand down his face and yawned.

Jack lay a hand on his shoulder. “I think we all need to get some sleep, guys. Things’ll look better in the morning.” 

Cory nodded and followed them upstairs. As they disappeared into the guest bedroom, Cory slipped into his own. Shawn was sitting at the foot of his bed with his head in his hands. Cory went to sit beside him and wrapped an arm securely around the other man’s waist. 

“Are you okay, love?” He asked.

Shawn leaned against him. “I don’t know. I just keep seeing it. Him shooting at you. Every time I close my eyes, I see it.” 

“What do you need? I’m right here. Anything you need me to do to reassure you, just tell me. I’ll do it.” Cory whispered.

Shawn raised his head to look into Cory’s eyes. For a long while, he was silent. Simply staring into Cory’s eyes with a conflicted expression. 

“Did you… did you mean it earlier? When you said we could… do things the other way around?” Shawn asked softly. He bit his lip, looking down. 

“I couldn’t have meant it more if I’d tried, babe.” Cory said, “Are you sure you want that, though? I don’t want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable.” 

Shawn nodded. “I’m sure. I think… I think I need to. I just… can we take it slow?” 

“As slow as you want.” Cory whispered. 

“I love you.” 

Draping his arms around Cory’s neck, Shawn pressed their mouths together. The kiss was gentle, slow. Just a melding of their mouths. Slowly, Shawn’s hands wandered down Cory’s chest. His fingers shook as he unbuttoned the white shirt and slipped it down Cory’s arms. He pulled away and stared down at Cory’s bare chest, his hands warm as they rested above his heart. For a long moment, he stayed like that. 

“You’re… you’re beautiful.” Shawn whispered, meeting Cory’s eyes. 

Cory cupped Shawn’s face in his hands. “So are you.” He whispered, pressing their mouths together again.

“You could have anyone you wanted and… and you chose me. Why did you choose me?” Shawn’s voice broke, his hands moving to rest on Cory’s hips. 

“There was never any choice, Shawnie. I never wanted anyone else.” Cory said. He ran his hand through the hair at the nape of Shawn’s neck.

Shawn shivered into the touch and his hand moved lower. He paused with his hand resting above Cory’s crotch, staring down at it. Cory didn’t move or speak, he kept his hand buried in Shawn’s hair. After a moment, Shawn pulled his hand away and buried his face in Cory’s shoulder again. He sobbed out loud and Cory wrapped his arms around him. 

“I can’t. I don’t know… I just can’t.” Shawn was whispering, over and over again.

Cory pushed him back so that he could look into his eyes. “It’s all right, love. We can try again someday, all right?”

“What if I can’t? What if I can never do that again?” Shawn whispered, tears sliding down his face. 

“Then we don’t have sex.” Cory shrugged. “I’m going to love you regardless.” 

Shawn shook his head. “You’re going to want it eventually. And I’m going too fail you. Just like I always do.” 

Cory’s heart broke. “You’ve never failed me, Shawn. Not ever. And I don’t care if you can never have sex with me again. I have a hand. The only thing I need is you.” He stroked Shawn’s hair out of his eyes and smiled. “Come on. Lay down with me, yeah?” 

Shawn simply nodded, following Cory into their bed. He lay with his head pressed against Cory’s chest for a long time, not speaking. Cory stroked his hair, one arm wrapped tightly around him. 

“I love you.” Shawn whispered, his eyes falling closed.

“I love you too.” Cory pressed his lips against Shawn’s forehead.

He woke the next morning to the sound of Eric and Topanga arguing outside their bedroom. Shawn was awake already, laying in bed beside Cory with his eyes turned to the ceiling. 

“Will you two shut up?” Cory yelled to the arguing couple outside. “I’m sleeping, here!” 

Shawn chuckled. “They’re arguing over who gets to come and wake us up.” He whispered. “I’ve been listening to it for thirty minutes now.” 

“Jesus. Let’s put ‘em out of their misery, huh?” 

Walking over to the door, he pulled it open and glared at the two idiots. “What do you want?” 

Topanga smiled apologetically. “Sorry, Cory. We’re getting ready to leave. Our plane leaves at noon.”

“We haven’t even packed yet.” Cory said, yawning. 

Eric shook his head. “Don’t worry about that. Jack and I got it covered. We packed for you guys already. Just get downstairs. Mom made breakfast and Dad wants to talk to us before we leave for the airport.” 

“We’ll be down in a minute.” 

He shut the door in their faces and went to find something to wear. Shawn was already pulling on a pair of faded gray sweats and a black t-shirt. Cory sat down on the edge of the bed and yawned. He doubted he’d slept more than an hour or two at best. Every time he’d closed his eyes, he’d seen that gun pointed at Shawn, heard the fear in Shawn’s voice. He’d woken himself up after a few hours, shaking and crying. 

“You gonna get dressed, Cor?” Shawn asked, plopping down next to him.

Cory blinked at him. “Can I just… sleep instead?” He asked.

“Did you not sleep well last night?” Shawn wrapped his arm around Cory’s shoulders.

“Not more than an hour or so. Couldn’t sleep.” Cory whispered.

“Why not? You had to have been exhausted.” 

“I was. Kept seeing that gun pointed at you. Doesn’t make for pleasant sleep.” Cory said, yawning and leaning into Shawn’s side.

Lips pressed against his temple. “I’m sorry, love. You can sleep on me later, I promise. For now, get dressed.” 

Cory stumbled a little as he found a pair of sweats and an old sweatshirt. He nearly put on the sweatshirt backwards before Shawn came over to help him with it, chuckling all the while. They descended the stair together, Cory yawning the whole way down. In the kitchen, Shawn shoved him into a chair before heading off to fetch coffee for the two of them. 

“You look like shit.” Eric said, dodging the swipe of Topanga’s hand.

Cory glared at him. “Didn’t sleep very well.” He muttered, accepting the cup of coffee that Shawn handed him. 

“You can sleep on the plane.” His father said, smiling at them. 

“I plan to.” Cory muttered. 

He blinked at the plate of eggs and bacon that his mother placed in front of him. Beside him, Shawn chuckled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

“Why did we have to be awake so early?” Cory asked, laying his head against Shawn’s shoulder.

Dad rolled his eyes. “Mom wants to stop and do some shopping before we go to the airport. And I wanted to talk to you guys.” 

Cory groaned but didn’t have enough energy to actually respond. Dad waited until mom had sat down as well to actually start talking. 

“First of all, is everyone all right? We didn’t get a lot of time to talk after last night.” He looked at Shawn as he spoke.

Shawn shrugged. “I can’t say I’m all right, but I’ll get there.” He said, his arm tightening around Cory’s shoulders. 

Amy reached across the table to clasp Shawn’s hand. “We’re all right here beside you, Shawn.” She said, her tone gentle. 

“Thanks.” Shawn yawned and rested his head against Cory’s. 

“We’re going in separate vehicles to the airport. Eric, Jack, and Topanga… you guys are taking Eric’s car, right?” Dad asked.

Eric shook his head. “Topanga offered to drive her car because Jack and I are both too exhausted to even think about getting behind the wheel.” 

“Mom and I are taking Morgan and Jack in the van. Cory, do you and Shawn want to ride with someone else or do you want to drive up yourselves?” 

“If Cory’s okay with it, I’d like to drive. It’s been a while since Cory and I got to spend time with just the two of us. I think it would be nice.” 

Cory smiled through yet another yawn. “As long as you’re up for driving, that sounds nice. I don’t think I could drive, though.” 

“I’m wide awake. Driving won’t be a problem.” 

Dad nodded. “All right, then. That takes care of that. It’s only seven forty-five right now, so we still have a couple hours before everyone has to get going. Mom and I are going to get an early start to get some shopping done. What are the rest of you going to do?” 

Cory glanced up at Shawn. “As much as I’d like to get back to sleep, I’d like to get an early start too. I wanted to get some shopping of our own done.” 

“That sounds okay to me. You guys wanna meet us for some early shopping?” Shawn asked his brother.

Jack shrugged. “Sounds good. Maybe by then we’ll be awake enough to eat and we can stop and get some breakfast. ‘Sides, you two shouldn’t be going out by yourselves.” 

Cory nodded. “Good point. I’m gonna go take a shower and then we can leave. No sense in waiting here.” He kissed Shawn quickly. “Do you wanna load everything in the car? My keys are on the dresser.” 

“Sure. Go ahead and take a quick shower. Jack and I will get everything loaded.” 

Cory heaved himself out of his chair and headed upstairs. Morgan met him by the bathroom, still yawning and rubbing sleep out of her eyes. He patted her shoulder on the way to the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Sitting down on the toilet, he rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. Exhaustion once again slammed into him like a ton of bricks and he had to lean back against the wall as the bathroom spun around him. 

Would he ever be able to sleep without seeing that gun pointed at Shawn’s head? Cory let out a quiet sigh and shut his eyes. He couldn’t forget the overwhelming fear that had swallowed him whole when he’d woken last night. Even seeing Shawn resting peacefully beside him hadn’t helped much. The fear had still made tears fill his eyes, streaming in rivers down his face. It was still there now, a pit in his chest that ached and burned. Cory closed his eyes again and shook his head to rid himself of the irrational urge to cry. He would get through this. There was no other option.


	14. Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: Okay, here’s the fourteenth chapter. Warning for slight sexual content. Nothing extreme because Shawn isn’t ready for that, but there’s a hand job here. Angst is very light but it’s there. Also, I apologize for the time it took for me to get this out. My grandmother fell and fractured her hip so I spent a few weeks taking care of her while she healed. I’m still on the road, but I can use my phone as a hotspot to post chapters if I’m careful. I hope you guys are enjoying this as much as I am. Thanks to Duck_Life for their amazing comments. It gave me the extra shove I need to finish this chapter.   
> Callidora.

By the time they got to the small house that Topanga had rented for them in Vermont Cory and Shawn were both exhausted. Eric, Jack, and Topanga were staying in the house with them while the rest of the Matthews Clan had rented another house just across the street. Though it was only eight o’clock when they arrived, everyone went to bed fairly early. Everyone, that is, aside from Topanga who said she wanted to read a book and possibly get a shower in. 

Despite the fact that he was so tired his eyes hurt, Cory couldn’t actually fall asleep. Shawn didn’t seem to be able to fall asleep either, which meant they were just laying side-by-side in complete silence. After a long moment, Shawn curled into Cory’s side and let out a long breath. Cory pressed a kiss to the top of his head and tried again to fall asleep. All he could see was the fear in Shawn’s eyes when the bullet had come towards them. He opened his eyes again and looked down to find Shawn watching him.

“Are you okay Shawnie?” Cory asked.

Shawn shook his head and sat up again. “I’m so tired of being scared to sleep.” He whispered. “Every time I go to sleep, I wake up and I can’t breathe and I’m sick of it. You’re not getting any sleep either and I just want this to be over.”

Cory reached out and tugged him against his side and kissed his hair. “I know babe. I do too. Can I do anything to make it better?” 

“Just hold me. And… and tell me if you need me to go somewhere else so you can sleep.” Shawn pleaded, looking up at him through bleary eyes.

Cory carded a hand through Shawn’s hair. “I can’t sleep if you’re not next to me.” He admitted. “If I wake up and you’re not there I panic. I’ll never ask you to leave.” 

“I’m just so tired, Cory. I don’t think I can do this anymore. It’s too much.” Shawn’s voice was almost too quiet to be heard. 

“Why don’t we try sleeping pills?” Cory whispered. “I can have Eric go pick some over-the-counter sleep aids tomorrow to try.” 

Shawn nodded. “That might help. I’m willing to try anything if it’ll let me sleep.” 

“What do you want to do tonight? Shops are closed, but we can go watch tv if you want.” 

“Can we… can we maybe try a bath?” Shawn asked. “Maybe just being in a hot bath will relax me.” 

“Of course we can, love.” Cory murmured. “Why don’t you head into the bathroom and get the bath started while I get some clothes for us?” 

Shawn nodded and slid out of bed to do as asked. A minute later, Cory went to grab a couple bottles of water for them. Topanga was still in the living room when he walked out, though Jack had come to join her as well.

“Everything all right Cory?” Jack asked, following Cory into the kitchen.

Cory shook his head. “Shawn can’t sleep. We’re gonna try some over-the-counter sleep aids when the stores are open tomorrow, but he wants to take a hot bath tonight to see if that’ll help relax him.” He said, rubbing his palms against his eyes.

“There’s a Wal-Mart across town that’s open twenty-four hours. I can go see if they have something there.” Jack offered. 

“You’d be a lifesaver if you would.” Cory said gratefully. “We’re both so tired, but I can’t sleep while he’s awake like this.” 

Jack lay a hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you guys go take a bath and I’ll come back with the pills?” He said.

“Thank you, Jack. I appreciate it.” Cory breathed, grabbing the water bottles from the fridge. 

“Not a problem, brother.” 

By the time Cory got back to the bathroom, Shawn was in the bath. He smiled and accepted the water before motioning for Cory to get in the bath with him. Cory slid in the bath and allowed Shawn to wrap his arms around him.

“There’s a twenty-four hour Wal-Mart across town. Jack was awake and said he’d go check there for us.” Cory said. 

Shawn sighed against his shoulder. “I hope they have something that helps. I don’t think I can do this much longer.” 

“We’ll get you into a doctor soon and get something better, okay? I know it’s hard, but we’ll get through this.” Cory promised, turning a bit to look at him.

“This feels nice.” Shawn said. “Feeling you here like this. It doesn’t feel invasive or anything. Just… right.” He kissed Cory’s shoulder again and sighed. 

Cory lay his head back against Shawn’s chest and closed his eyes. Gentle fingers traced the skin of his shoulders and back. Shawn’s chest rumbled as he hummed softly, an aimless tune that filled Cory’s heart with light. He hadn’t realized until that second that he’d missed this. Before Shawn had been taken, they had enjoyed taking baths together. They’d sit in comfortable silence, enjoying each others’ presence and occasionally kissing or touching. While this wasn’t totally the same, it felt similar. Shawn’s fingers were warm as he trailed them down Cory’s sides. His fingers shook as they slipped down towards Cory’s pelvis. He bit his lip and locked eyes with Cory, his expression softening as he saw the worry in Cory’s eyes.

“I’m okay, Cor. I want to try again… I’m just nervous.” He whispered, leaning in to kiss Cory gently. 

Cory smiled and placed his palm against Shawn’s cheek. “Don’t be nervous. It’s just me.”

Shawn smiled and allowed his fingers to press lightly against Cory’s pelvis. Heat exploded where his fingers touched and Cory closed his eyes, a low breath escaping. A chuckle reverberated through Shawn’s chest as he continued his movements, bending to press gentle kisses against Cory’s neck. Cory arched against him as Shawn stroked his palm down the length of Cory’s cock. Shawn had hardened as well, though he didn’t seem to be in a rush to deal with it. He simply pressed his face into the crook of Cory’s neck and ground their hips together, a low moan escaping. The sound of that moan brought another wave of heat pulsing through Cory’s entire body. He came a moment later with a soft cry of surprise and Shawn wasn’t far behind. 

“I didn’t think I could do that.” Shawn whispered. “But it felt good. I… I enjoyed it.” 

Cory turned and draped his arms around Shawn’s neck. “I love you, Shawnie. You have no idea how much it means to me that you enjoyed that.”

“I love you too.” Shawn leaned forward and tangled their tongues together for a long moment. “I’d forgotten how much I loved hearing that little sound you make when you cum. I’d forgotten how much closer it makes me feel to you.” He leaned his forehead against Cory’s. “I know we didn’t go that far but… I don’t miss you anymore.” 

“I don’t miss you anymore either, Shawnie.” Cory kissed him again. “Come on, let’s get out of here. I think I heard Jack’s voice a minute ago.” 

Shawn nodded and allowed Cory to help him out of the bath. They dressed in silence before going back to the living room where Jack and Topanga were sitting on the couch together. Jack grinned at them as they entered, gesturing to a bottle of pills on the table .

“I hope those help a little.” Jack said.

Shawn picked the bottle up and inspected it. “I hope so too. Thanks for getting them.” He murmured.

“You’re welcome. Night guys.” 

Topanga raised her head from Jack’s chest and waved at them. “Get some sleep you two.”

“I think we will. Night guys.” Cory said.

Back in their bedroom, Shawn took one of the pills and handed the bottle to Cory. They both grimaced at the bitter aftertaste and giggled quietly at the look on the others’ face. Shawn pulled Cory into bed and wrapped himself around him, resting his head against Cory’s chest. Cory ran a hand through his hair and smiled down at him.

“I dunno if it’s because of the bath or the pill, but I think I’ll be able to sleep.” Shawn murmured a few minutes later.

Cory kissed his forehead. “Me too. I love you.” 

“Love you too, Cor.” Shawn sighed.

A moment later, Shawn’s breathing evened out and Cory let out a sigh of relief. He closed his eyes and was asleep in seconds, his arms still tight around Shawn’s waist.


End file.
